Page 30 of Blue Norther
My eyes fell to her stomach, where, even in the pale moon light, I could see her belly was comically lopsided.
“That’s wild.”
“Yeah, he’s a regular gymnast already.”
I swallowed down my reply and stepped back, letting her stretch her back as she stood back up.
“I’ll just…I’ll grab your bag and bring it up for you.” She nodded, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to leave. “Vi? I’m going to stay in the room until you’re done. Just… in case you need help, okay?”
“Okay. Thank you.”
It only took me a minute to grab her bag and bring it up to her. She was sitting on the edge of the tub, waiting for it to fill up as I set everything on the closed toilet seat lid. I wasn’t sure if I grabbed her something that would be really comfortable when I took what little laundry she had in the dryer, so I made sure to include a pair of my sweatpants and a worn-in shirt for her to use if she wanted.
And I was a fucking bastard for sitting on the edge of the bed with my heart beating like a racehorse, waiting to see if she came out wearing them.
Violet
He still had my favorite bubble bath under the sink.
Not used. Not open like I left it there while I was in a hurry and he just forgot about it in some back corner for all these years. Colt had a fresh—still sealed in plastic—bottle ready for me.
It smelled exactly the way I remembered it, too. I sank down deeper into the tub, letting the bubbles cover me up to my shoulders. The baby was clearly enjoying the warmth of the water. He was kicking and making the water ripple around my belly, which was so comically large it stuck up out of the water like an island.
There was a part of me that was panicking as the water cooled. Because I couldn’t stay in the tub forever, and I already knew what I had to do.
Colt came for me. I called, panicked and disoriented about my dad, and he hadn’t hesitated to get to me.
The second I’d realized he was there, I finally felt safe for the first time in months.
The pains in my belly had stopped almost as soon as my body touched the water, but the knot twisting in my stomach hadn’t eased up. Because I knew I needed to tell him the truth. Therewas only one thing stopping me, and it was so sickeningly selfish it made me hate myself.
I didn’t want him to look at me differently.
Colt’s eyes had landed on me outside my parents’ place a few days ago, and I could still see the love he had for me in his heart. He would have every right to be mad at me for keeping this from him. For not reaching out to say the transfer worked. For staying away as the pregnancy progressed. I couldn’t stomach the idea that he’d be angry, or that the love in his eyes would change and shift into hatred.
It wasn’t fair for me to sit in my selfish bubble. I couldn’t keep it from him. Not for one minute more. The baby kicked again, pressing his foot out so it looked like a little mountain on the floating island. My pruned fingers pushed back, laughing as I got him to roll.
For just a second, as I worked out how to hoist myself out of the tub, I thought about calling out to Colt for help. But that would be awkward, and things already felt so out of sorts between us because of the secret I was keeping. But I wasn’t going to keep it any more.
So I rolled like a manatee in a warm freshwater spring onto my hands and knees. What a ridiculous sight I had to be, but the safety of the baby was most important. I was tired, the last little bits of my energy hanging on solely from how nervous I was to talk to Colt. The last thing I wanted was to slip and fall.
I managed to get myself to my feet. Holding on to the edge of the tub, I stepped out, one foot and then the other. But as I found my footing, my head swam.Jeepers.The water hadn’t been hot, but it still must have gotten to me. My eyes drifted shut for a second, my fingers still gripping the edge of the tub as the dizziness subsided.
First thing’s first, I needed to get dressed. The most ridiculous giggle burst from my chest as I thought about walkinginto the bedroom naked. That would certainly be one way to distract him from the news I was about to deliver.
But that thought passed quickly as I eyed the pile of his clothes he’d brought in with my bag. In all the years we were married, I never wore my own clothes to bed. Maybe that wasn’t a big deal to him, like the bubble bath under the sink. Maybe it was something he’d enjoyed on his own over the years, and he wasn’t thinking of me. Maybe he’d just realized what a haphazard bunch of clothes he’d thrown together in my bag and didn’t think about what wearing his clothes would mean to me.
I slipped the shirt he left for me over my head, groaning when I realized it didn’t fit all the way over my belly. But I kept moving. I did retrieve a pair of my maternity panties from my bag, my face heating as I thought about Colt finding them in my laundry room and packing them away for me.
By the time I had his sweatpants on, I was out of breath. My butt hit the edge of the tub and I forced myself to work through every technique I’d ever learned to calm down. The decision was already made. I’d live with whatever feelings he had about me, because he deserved to be in his son’s life. And our son deserved to grow up with a dad who was the best man I’d ever known.
Colt
“Are you feeling better?” I asked, trying to ignore the way my dick went instantly hard at seeing her wearing my clothes. Her belly was big enough that it poked out at the bottom between the waist of the sweats I gave her and the t-shirt she was wearing. It was fucking adorable, and took everything in me to not go to her and press my hand against the exposed skin.
“A little. My back is still bothering me, but I did a lot more today than I normally would. And it’s late.”
I stood, pulling back the comforter on the side of the bed that had always been hers. “Come on. You need to get some sleep.”
