Page 79 of From Unwanted to Duchess
Should he talk to his friend? Gideon could already tell something was amiss. There was no point in pretending otherwise.
“It is just that Frances and I…”
Gideon sighed and leaned back, crossing his hands behind his head. “Go on, then. I knew there was something wrong. I should’ve guessed that it had to do with the young woman who presumably changed absolutely nothing in your life, by your own declarations.”
James waved his hand. “You need not remind me of my words. I remember them myself. And the truth is, nothing really has changed, other than?—”
“Other than you,” Gideon cut in, wagging his finger at him. “Because you are not the same. I can tell. Now, tell me what happened.”
James shrugged. “We quarreled back at the house. She tried to surprise me by hanging up a painting of Marcus and our father, and I…”
“I see,” Gideon said. “And it set your bristles up, and you overreacted.”
“Yes,” James muttered, hating how well his friend knew him.
“I felt bad, so I decided to tell her the truth about Marcus.”
“You did?” Gideon’s eyes widened. “I do not think that you have told anyone the story in many, many years.”
“I didn’t, but she deserved to know. In any case, I told her everything, and she sought to comfort me. Told me that it wasn’t my fault.”
“It wasn’t,” Gideon agreed. “Your father is the one who swung the poker.”
“Yes, but if I had not lost my temper with my father earlier…” James waved his hand. There was no use regurgitating the entire tale. “But in any case, she was of the opinion that I was not to blame. And then she kissed me.”
“Oh well.” Gideon let out a whistle. “Well, well, well. Tell me once more how nothing at all has changed.”
“Yes, yes,” James replied.
He looked around. The club was not as busy at this time of the morning. Some gentlemen were here for an early luncheon, and he heard the clang of billiard balls being shot in the adjacent room, but there was no one in the vicinity.
“And what did you do when she kissed you?”
“Nothing,” he huffed. “I walked away.”
Gideon rolled his eyes. “You are an insufferable fool. A complete nodcock. I do not know how else I can say it. I adore you as my friend, but the foolishness must come to an end. I see the wayyou look at her, the way you look right now when you talk about her. You love her.”
“I do,” James confessed. “I truly do. In fact, last night we went for a walk, and she was almost trampled by an errant horse, and I thought I was going to lose her, so I kissed her.”
Gideon clapped his hands together. “So she kissed you, then you kissed her, and yet you look like you have lost. Why?”
“Because you do not understand. I cannot let myself love her.”
“Why not?”
James leaned back and tapped his index finger against his glass. “Because I could not stand to lose her. I cannot stand to lose someone else I love. And you know my temper.”
“Your temper is no more fiery than any other gentleman’s. You must not let your father decide the kind of person you will be for the rest of your life, for he is turning you into a miserable man, and he has been dead for many years now, so that is quite the accomplishment.”
Usually, James appreciated his friend’s directness, but now he wished he had never brought up the matter.
“I cannot get my father’s voice out of my head,” he said. “And I cannot shake off this melancholy, this loss I felt when Marcus died. And I felt it again yesterday as I held her in my arms. Iknew that I was going to lose her. I was certain of it. And then, when I didn’t, I felt such relief, but also such terror that next time I might not be so fortunate.”
“Because you have fallen in love with her. It is easy to see. She is terribly likable. She is witty and clever, and genuinely caring and loving. No matter how much you try to tell me that she hasn’t changed you, I know she has.”
Gideon leaned forward. “I saw it when I visited, you know. The way you treated the servants. Softer. Less harsh. You smiled more in those two days than I’ve seen you smile in years. And your schedule—you adjusted it to spend time with her.”
“That was because you were there,” James protested.
