Page 81 of Thorns and Ashes
“Hey, look at me.” I reach down, holding his face in my hands. “It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.”
His eyes glaze over, and suddenly it’s like he’s gone somewhere else.
“She saved me,” he says, eyes unfocused and looking past me. “Help her. Help her,” he repeats over and over.
“Levi, what are you talking about?” My brows furrow as I try to understand him, but we’re running out of time. “I have to go get my phone and call for help.”
“No!” he yells, gripping my arm with shocking force. “Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me again.” His voice breaks like a man completely shattered. “Please, Krystal. Don’t.” His words trail off at the same time as my heart stutters.
He’s in his mind, reliving a nightmare, one that doesn’t go away when he wakes up.
I don’t have time to think about the way my heart aches in my chest. I need him to be okay.
“Don’t go. Please,” he begs again when I try to move.
I’m running out of options. My heart pounds, my mind is racing. I need to lower his temperature, but going back and forth a hundred times isn’t going to keep this towel cold, unless...
“Come with me, Levi. I need you to come with me.” I wrap his arm around my shoulders and start to pull him toward the edge of the bed. “Please.”
He’s able to stand, but it takes every ounce of strength I have to half-drag, half-carry him from the bed to the bathroom.
“Come on,” I say, through gritted teeth. Every inch forward is a fight, one I refuse to give up. “Just a few more steps.”
Finally, we collapse into the shower, and I turn on lukewarm water, not caring as it soaks through both our clothes.
“It’s okay,” I whisper.
I run my fingers melodically through his hair, his head in my lap, our bodies entwined, as the water sprays down on us. My eyes trace over the scars that stretch down his neck, over his shoulder and chest, stopping when they get close to his heart. For the first time, I notice the robin tattoo that sits there, and though he’s never told me its significance, somehow I know it’s meant for her. Pieces start to fall into place, the reason why he reacted so harshly to my own robin visiting suddenly becomes clear. It’s always been abouther.
I try to imagine for the first time what it must have been like for him to lose her the way he did, but I know that it’s a pain that goes far beyond my imagination. Still, holding him here right now, I think about the panic that shot through me when I saw him curled up in bed, the way my heart still feels as though someone has their fist around it, the fear that’s still coursing through me at the thought of him not being okay. My throat constricts as I fight to deny the truth that’s clawing its way through my chest and turn my attention back to his temperature.
I let the water run lukewarm, letting it settle over his fevered skin, careful to keep him from tipping into shock. Minute by minute, the shaking slows, our fingers pruney, until he finally relaxes against me.
After what feels like more than an hour, we run out of warm water, so I turn it off. The movement must jostle him awake because his eyes blink open and his gaze slowly finds mine.
“Hey, you,” I say softly, trying to smile even though for some reason all I want is to cry. “Let’s get you back to bed, okay?”
Luckily, he’s able to stand on his own now, so after making sure he’s stable on his feet, I grab him a change of clothes and promise to be right back.
He nods, but that’s the only indication I have that he’s here with me.
Running next door, I throw on dry clothes, grab him a drink with electrolytes and the bottle of Ibuprofen, my phone, and hurry back. I’m already standing outside the bathroom door when it opens again.
“Let me help you get to bed.”
He stumbles twice, but we make it. I take his temperature and breathe a sigh of relief when this time it reads one hundred and one. It’s still a fever, but it’s not as dangerous anymore.
“Take these.” I hand him two Ibuprofen and the drink.
He finishes the whole drink while Ellie lies at the edge of the bed, watching. I sit on the side of the bed, unsure of what to do now. He’s stable, but his temperature could return. My stomach twists as I try to figure out what’s next. I’ve barely moved to throw out the bottle when Levi’s arm wraps around my waist and pulls me to him.
“Don’t go,” he rasps, pulling me until my chest is flush against his.
“Levi,” I whisper, coming completely undone as he holds me in his arms, possibly still believing I’m another woman.
“Please,” he sighs, his voice sounding gruff from disuse. “I need you.”
When I don’t move again, his body relaxes. The tension he’s been holding ebbs slowly, allowing him to finally find rest. I’m still wrapped in him when I’m sure he’s fallen asleep. I know I’m going to regret this in the morning. I know this is a memory that is bound to hurt, but I need to make sure he’s okay. I take in a jagged breath and pretend that this is what he wants.
