Page 56 of Thorns and Ashes
We’re both quiet for a minute as I slowly rein in my anger. I know they loved Krystal, but hearing him refer to Tris as my girl... It feels like a betrayal.
But, is it?
“Listen,” Tom huffs, like whatever he’s about to say is going to make me want to punch him in the face, but he’s willing to say it anyway. When he sees my eyes narrow, he smirks and shakes his head. “Maybe I’m way off here, and I could be wrong, but I know you. If there’s even the slightest chance that there’s another human on this planet who makesyoufeel something, don’t run away from that.”
“Feel something? Yeah, she makes me want to pull my hair out,” I chuff.
Tom shrugs. “For you? That’s something.”
The last of my anger drains out of me, and in its place, I’m left with nothing but a dreaded emptiness in my chest. “It’s barely been six months, man,” I choke out, my throat feeling as if it’s closing. I drag a hand over my jaw like I can scrub away the ache, if only it were that easy.
Tom takes in my words, understanding passing over his features. He pours me my own glass of whiskey, and we walk to the edge of the wrap-around porch to lean on the railing, taking in the distant mountains and lake below.
“I wasn’t sure if Callie was going to choose me,” he says after some time passes between us in silence. “I mean, talk about the timing being way off. Pregnant with another man’s baby? Yeah, that was just one of many obstacles we faced together.”
He takes a sip from his glass and shifts his stance to face me. “I know there were people who judged Callie for being torn between us. Hell, I know she struggled with the guilt herself. Whispers in this small town might as well be posted on a bulletin board or shouted out at the town meetings.” He rolls his eyes.
“What’s your point?” I ask, finishing my whiskey in one gulp, embracing the burn as it travels down and warms my chest.
“She didn’t let others’ thoughts, or her own, stop her from following her heart. It doesn’t mean she stopped loving Parker when she fell in love with me, but that love changed. It changed and made room for something else.”
“Tom...” I drawl out slowly. Urging him to spit it out.
“Don’t let your guilt over what can never be stop you from embracing the possibility of something that can. In short, don’t be an idiot. You know Krystal would want you to be happy, that’s who she was.”
“Don’t tell me who she was, what she would have wanted. She didn’t choose to leave me,” I spit out, my grip tightening around my glass, body trembling.
Tom’s steady hand comes down softly on my shoulder. “You’re right. She didn’t choose to leave you. She chose to save you. You know deep down that there’s truth to what I’m saying. Just know that we’re here for you. No matter what and in whatever way you need us.”
I inhale slowly, taking a deep, pained breath, and close my eyes. Maybe he’s right. Is it betraying Krystal if I have the chance to possibly be happy and take it? Or is it a betrayal to have the possibility and shut the door on it? “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Tom squeezes my shoulder with the hand still resting on it. “That’s never stopped you before. If anyone is strong enough to get through this, to find something to hold onto and come out on the other side, even if it’s from pure will and stubbornness alone, it’s you.” He finishes his whiskey and offers me a smile. “You just have to want to.”
I nod slowly, feeling more messed up in the head and conflicted than when I walked over here. “I just want to go home.”
“I can take you and Ellie home.”
Tom and I both jump and turn around at Rory’s announcement.
“My God! I didn’t see you there,” I say, startled since I didn’t hear her walk up.
“One of the perks of only being 4’9. I come with superpowers. One of them is constant stealth mode.”
The lopsided grin she throws our way looks so much like her brother Blake’s, it’s uncanny.
“Right,” I say slowly.
“If you want to go home now, have Rory take you. I won’t drive for at least another hour.”
I weigh my options, knowing that Tom never budges on his “one drink, one hour” rule. I can wait, or I can letMiss Super Powersover here drive. As Rory waits for my answer, she sways side to side, bobbing as if she’s listening to a musical beat only she can hear.
“How much have you had to drink?” I ask, still on the fence.
She tosses her keys in the air and catches them. “I don’t drink, so move it or lose it because this offer expires in five, four, three...” She heads toward her Ford Focus that looks like it’s seen better days, and I whistle for Ellie.
“I’m coming, I’m coming,” I call out as she continues to count. I let Ellie into the backseat and hop into the passenger seat.
Rory starts the car, and some instrumental covers start playing over the radio.
