Page 55 of Thorns and Ashes
Billy nods slowly and continues his text.
“It’syourbirthday,” Tom murmurs with an all too knowing smile, like maybe I actually deserve to have the person I can’t seem to get off my mind today here with me.
“Or funeral,” Mark says under his breath, causing snickers to break out in the group.
“Want it to be yours?” I ask, purposefully trying to sound as serious and scary as possible. Finally, when it looks like Mark is about to piss himself, I bark out a laugh. Billy traps him in a headlock and gives him a noogie like we’re just a bunch of kids. When we’re all done messing around, we settle into the truck and head to Caiden and Della’s cabin. The whole drive there, I try not to overanalyze why the idea of Tris joining us at the house feels like the missing piece to an otherwise perfect day.
After over an hour of hanging out, the fire is roaring, its crackling logs a background noise to the various conversations happening as everyone relaxes after the long day. Since Caiden drove the boat, Tom volunteered to man the grill. Billy and Mark said they’d help out too, but everyone unanimously agreed that even though they’re firefighters, they still can’t be trusted with fire. Apparently, there’s a running joke about them and flaming marshmallows. Being that I now know them well, I’m not surprised. It is, however, ironic since they both still work part-time in the kitchen at Turtle Bay Tavern.
“That’s because there’s a sprinkler system installed,” Callie reminds them when they point this out to her. “That you haveboth testedon two separate occasions.”
Billy and Mark both drop their chins to their chests with an “Oh, yeah.”
“Exactly,” Emma says with a laugh.
I don’t realize I’ve been waiting for Ainsley, Rory, and Tris to arrive until I see movement on the wrap-around porch. Except, as Ainsley and Rory pop around the corner, joining us in the big yard behind the cabin, there’s no Tris. A heaviness settles in my chest, and my shoulders drop slightly at the realization. Not wanting anyone to notice, I quickly hitch them back up again and offer a weak smile to Ainsley and Rory as they say hello to everyone around the fire. I take notice when Rory and Emma hug for a beat longer than the rest.
“How is he?” Emma asks in a hushed voice that tells me this conversation isn’t meant for me.
Rory’s face transforms as she gives her a quivering smile and shrugs. Emma pulls her into another hug right as Tom closes the grill.
“You girls are just in time, burgers are done,” Tom calls out, placing the tray on the large picnic table next to the plates and condiments. He looks around, like he’s counting, as we all gather, taking a plate and having a seat. “No Tris?”
“She didn’t pick up the phone,” Rory answers him, but her eyes shoot straight for me.
I pretend not to notice and instead add ketchup and mayo to my burger.
“Ah, that’s too bad. Maybe next time. Sit and eat, ladies, we have plenty.” Tom closes the grill and joins the rest of us.
The burgers are delicious, even Ellie thinks so. At least I’m assuming by the way she scarfs hers down. What dog doesn’t like a good burger? After eating, we all return to sitting around the fire as dusk turns to night and the moon’s light fills the sky. Time goes by with ease, yet I still can’t shake the lingering disappointment. Even more surprising is that I didn’t know how much I wanted Tris here until it became clear she wouldn’t be joining us. The realization sends me down a path all its own that I’ve actively worked to avoid all day.
It’s my first birthday without Krystal.
I slide my phone out of the pocket of my jeans, which I changed into when we got to the cabin, and search for a picture of us from today, last year. I quickly find the one I’m looking for. It’s Krystal and me standing in front of Yosemite National Park’s iconic granite peaks. She and I decided we’d take a camping trip for the Fourth of July and come home the day after my birthday. A fun getaway, just the two of us. In the photo, we’re both sun-kissed from all the hiking we did, her long brown hair is pulled into braids in front of her, and she’s smiling, but me? I’m looking at her.
Before anyone can notice, I sniff back tears and quietly clear my throat. I miss her so much. That hasn’t changed. I wake up every day thinking maybe it will, but it doesn’t. It’s become easier, but I imagine it’s like losing a limb. Eventually, I’d learn to live without it, but hell, I’d still miss my damn arm or leg if they were gone, and that’s what Krystal was... a part of me.
After burgers, everyone goes back to hanging out around the fire. Some time passes, and Callie surprises me by bringing out a birthday cake. Everyone joins in to sing the mostinterestingrendition of the song Happy Birthday that I’ve ever heard. Once I’m sure I haven’t gone deaf from the noises that came out of Mark and Billy, I blow out the candles and hug Callie.
“Thank you for this,” I mutter softly.
She smiles up at me with warmth. “Anything for Uncle Bigfoot.”
While everyone continues to drink throughout the night, I start fidgeting. It’s not just my legs that are restless, but my mind. I keep checking the time, and as the minutes pass slower and slower, I decide that, as much fun as this is, there’s somewhere else I want to be. When Tom stands up to grab another drink, I follow after him.
“So what do you think? A good birthday?” he asks as he pours himself another glass of whiskey.
“Yeah, man. Thanks,” I say, rubbing the back of my neck like it’s sore. “It was a great day, but I think I’m ready to head home.”
He swirls his glass before taking a sip. A sharp little click escapes him as the whiskey settles. “Ah, what’s wrong? Your girl’s not here, so you want to skip out early?”
I flinch and let out a forceful breath of surprise. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“Whoa, relax,” Tom says, jerking back. “I just meant Tris never showed up.”
A flush of heat rises up the back of my neck and into my face as my shock turns to anger. “Tris is notmy girl. In case you’ve forgotten,my girl’sashes are spread throughout Oregon on the other side of the country,” I growl, nostrils flaring and breaths coming rapidly. Beside me, Ellie paws at my side, sensing my spike of adrenaline.
Tom nods slowly, and his shoulders drop. “I didn’t mean to upset you. We loved Krystal, too, don’t forget that.”
