Page 104 of Thorns and Ashes
But if he’s guilty, it means everything Levi said is true, and I can’t blame him for being angry. It means that my father lied, that he’s the reason Krystal and so many others lost their lives.
And I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about any of this.
“Tris...” Rory says timidly.
“Ahh.” With a frustrated wail, I slam down the rolling pin. “What?!”
Rory and Ainsley jump back, and instantly a knot forms in my stomach.
“This here has got to stop. Go on and talk to that man before you hurt yourself or bust that rolling pin clean in half.” Ainsley steps toward me, her arm stretching out, palm open.
I take a sharp breath and, with furrowed brows, hand her the rolling pin.
“Alright, now that we’ve confiscated the weapon,” Rory jokes half-heartedly, coming closer to stand in front of the table acrossfrom me and tucking a pink curl behind her ear. “We’re worried about you and honestly don’t think you should go to your parents’ dinner either.”
Taking a step back and crossing my arms, I look between Ainsley and Rory. Ainsley nods her head in agreement, and it occurs to me that while I’ve been crashing out back here in the kitchen over the last few days, they’ve clearly had time to talk about me and form opinions of their own.
“Isn’t that nice?” I ask mockingly.
“Tris,” Ainsley says gently, trying to soothe my temper. “Your parents are toxic. That’d just kick up more dust than it settles. I mean, look at what it’s doing to your relationship.”
“You two think I don’t know exactly who my parents are, what they are? It doesn’t matter. This is something I’m obligated to do because I’m their daughter, and if I ever want to get back to the good life, I have to go. I don’t have a choice,” I explain, my pulse rising.
“You always have a choice,” Rory murmurs.
“And was thegood lifereally all that good?” Ainsley argues.
“I wantmylife back!” I shout.
“Do you?” Rory snaps. “Because from what I’ve heard, it kind of sucked. Sure, you had money, but what else?”
What else did I have?
I look away, recalling what I said to Levi a few weeks ago.“It took losing everything for me to finally have it all...”I meant what I said, and I still do. I keep telling myself this is about the money and that’s why I’m going, but what if that’s not it at all? I’ve never been happier than I am now... or at least I was. I have amazing friends who care about me, an incredible boyfriend who loves me, and a life I’ve rebuilt from scratch, so why am I self-sabotaging that? It’s like I’m testing myself, daring the universe to pull it all away, because maybe, just maybe, I don’t deserve to keep it.
The old me would have thought I’m pathetic. Caring about what others think? It’s laughable. That girl would be doing exactly what she wants and bending this soirée to somehow end up in her favor.
But that girl? That version of me? She’s long gone, buried under months of scrubbing toilets, balancing paychecks, learning to appreciate the little things while not taking anything for granted, and being human. And now, when the present me dares to settle into this happiness I’ve worked so hard for, it’s like the universe and her have collaborated to work against me. I can feel her sneering behind my ribs, rich, spoiled, entitled, and refusing to let this grounded, better version of me feel safe or satisfied.
Maybe that’s the real problem here. The person I’ve had to become to survive is clashing with the person I used to be, the one who thought she could take the world for granted. And some part of me is still scared that happiness like this isn’t meant for me.
“We just think,” Ainsley continues, snapping me from my thoughts. “Levi might have a point.”
“Glad you two have such strong opinions on my life,” I huff. “The last point Levi made was that I’m no better than my father, so if you agree with him, then you’re basically saying that I’m a horrible person, so thanks for that.”
“That’s not what we’re saying at all—”
“It’s fine,” I cut Rory off. “Since we’re sharing opinions, how about I share some of my own. Yeah?” I smile, but it lacks warmth. An icy coldness spreads through my chest, making me numb. Pushing my shoulders back, I place my hands on my hips.
“You’re both here preaching to me about my personal life, all while avoiding your own. This is my life. Not a TV show drama that you two get to watch and comment on for fun. So how do I put this in a way that you’ll both understand?” I tap my chin. “Go sweep around your own front porch before pointing out the dirt on mine.”
I untie my apron and throw it onto the table, leaving my mess for them to deal with, and head for the door.
“What just happened?” Rory asks Ainsley.
Ainsley clears her throat of emotion, and for a second, heat cracks through the icy shield wrapped around my chest as I meet Ainsley’s sharp gaze. But I shove it down and remind myself they deserved it.
“She told us to mind our own biscuits,” Ainsley says, her jaw setting as her expression hardens, lips pressed together, eyes unblinking.
