Page 10 of Finding Shelter
Curiosity and a backache brought Kash to his feet. He gathered everything and headed for his room. The house was silent. As he neared his room, he spotted Ledger’s open door. He slowed and peeked inside. The bedside lamp was on. Ledger slept peacefully with his glasses on and an open book resting onhis chest. Kash dropped his stuff in his bedroom doorway and slipped inside Ledger’s room. He moved in total silence. Kash set the book aside, open and facedown so Ledger wouldn’t lose his page. With that out of the way, he carefully removed Ledger’s glasses and set them beside the book. He took a moment to memorize Ledger’s face before turning off the light. In his entire life, nothing had ever been meant to be his. This dream was no different. Ledger was a solid person. He would always only see Kash as his son’s ex. Too young. Off limits. Kash went to his room and closed the door. He rubbed his chest. Tomorrow, Kash would call Steel and get a replacement. Kash had never been meant for good things. He had to stop pretending he could be anything else.
Chapter Six
Afteranightofdrawing, Kash ran on two hours of sleep and annoyance. He had listened to Ledger toss and turn all night. Kash ended up giving up two hours ago. After a shower, he grabbed the first clothes he found and headed for the kitchen. After scavenging for a few minutes, he ended up making pancakes. Ledger padded into the room with dark circles under his eyes.
“Hey. It looks like you got about as much sleep as I did.”
A small smile touched Ledger’s lips. “What’s new, right?” He moved to stand next to Kash. “This is a lot of food. It looks good, though. I’m up for the challenge.”
Kash shrugged. He tried to keep things impersonal. “I figured between Valon’s new guards and the three of us, we needed a lot.”
“Valon left last night. He had to be at the airport by four this morning. It was easier for him to stay at a nearby hotel than try to fight traffic this morning.”
Kash was slightly relieved. He kept his heart out of it. “Well, I guess this isa lot of food, then.”
Ledger laughed. The sound ran down Kash’s spine, making his skin feel tighter. He really needed to hit the nearest club and find someone to fuck. Maybe that would be the first thing he did once Steel sent a replacement.
“What would you like to do today?”
Kash shook off his thoughts. “Just do what you usually do. I’m your guard. Not your guest. You don’t have to entertain me.”
“What if I want to entertain you?” The heat in Ledger’s every word hurt way more than he liked. Kash remembered too many things now. The way he had felt when he had left town had been polished off and shone bright for Kash’s inspection. He couldn’t keep doing thisto himself.
“After breakfast, I’ll call Steel and have a replacement sent over.”
Silence hung heavily between them.
Kash refused to look at Ledger.
Ledger spoke. His voice was quiet and had Kash meeting his gaze. “I wish you wouldn’t do that.”
Kash cocked his head to one side and studied Ledger. He looked genuinely hurt at the idea of Kash leaving. “What do you normally do during the week?”
A guarded but hopeful smile touched Ledger’s lips. “I’m boring. You should show me what you’re working on.”
Everything inside Kash recoiled. His comic strips were personal. Something just for him. He couldn’t crack himself open like that.Everyone had already stripped him of everything else. Kash couldn’t taint this.
Kash poured syrup over his pancakes. “It’s just doodling.”
Ledger set his hand on Kash’s forearm, holding his attention. “I watched you for a while last night. It’s not just scribblings. You were too focused to even notice me. It was fascinating to watch. Your every emotion moved across your face. I’m a huge reader and nosy. I’d love to see what you saw.”
Kash swallowed. Ledger looked serious. “Okay. Eat first.” Fuck his entire life. What had he just agreed to do? He suddenly wasn’t very hungry. Kash sat and put food in his mouth. It tasted like cardboard. All he could picture was Ledger laughing at him, or worse, humoring him.Somehow, breakfast was gone, and it was like facing his reckoning. He tried to wash dishes to buy time.
Ledger hip-bumped him aside. “You cooked. I’ll clean. Go get your notepad.”
Kash felt like a kid being sent to his room to retrieve something he knew would get him in trouble. He didn’t grab the one from last night. That one wasn’t finished. If he was about to be humiliated, at least it could be over the best he could do. By the time he finished deciding which one, Ledger already waited for him in the living room.
Kash’s anxiety got the best of him. There were very few things Kash didn’t have top-tier confidence about. To the point of cockiness, really. But his art was his and only his, and this was a nightmarescenario for him. Kash hesitated as he handed the pad to Ledger.
“Don’t laugh at me.”
Ledger looked hurt over the insinuation. “This is part of you. I could never laugh at that.”
With a sharp nod, Kash let go of the notebook. He filled the spot next to Ledger on the couch. With his feet braced on the edge of the coffee table, he shoved his hands between his knees and took slow breaths.
Ledger silently flipped through the pages. He chuckled.
Kash’s gaze shot his way. He had no qualms about ripping the pad outof his hands.
