Page 11 of Finding Shelter
Ledger was smiling as he read. His gaze moved over each page. Obviously, feeling his accusing stare, Ledger glanced his way. “I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at you. The story is hilarious. I love the way Dash uses a combination of flirting and over-the-top antics to brazen through.” He dropped his hands to his lap, still holding the homemade comic. “This is amazing, Kash. You know I’m a book lover. This should be in every bookstore. You blow me away. How long have you been hiding this talent?”
Kash still wasn’t sure if Ledger was only humoring him. He fought the urge to chew his nails. Kash shrugged. “Since I was a kid. I’ve spent a lot of time alone with nothing but my imagination. It’s not like I had video games or even the internet like other kids, but these small spiralpads were easy to steal from the bookshop at school. I have a storage building where I keep them. There’re a ton of them.” Kash shrugged again. He felt exposed as hell. “It’s not like I have a home or anything to keep them in, but I can’t bring myself to throw them away.”
With his head resting on the back of the couch, Ledger stared at him.
Kash fought the urge to squirm under Ledger’s inspection. “I guess I should get rid of them. It seems crazy to cling to something so dumb.”
“Nothing about you is dumb. You’ve just spent your entire life carrying everyone else on your shoulders.” Ledger squeezed Kash’s knee. “You’re the best person I’ve ever had the pleasureof knowing. There’s still time for life to give you what you deserve.”
He hated this conversation. Kash was uncomfortable. “Nah. I’m good. I’ve always known I won’t live to be old. Honestly, I’m surprised I’ve made it this close to thirty.” His knee bounced, proving how ready he was to run.
“Let the storage building go. Move everything here. Even if you don’t decide to stay, this is your home now. I proclaim it so!” Ledger shouted. The words were filled with laughter.
Kash didn’t laugh. He scratched the bridge of his nose. “I can’t put you in that position. You’re Valon’s dad.” Kash knew he should stop, but he didn’t. He stared at the spot where the corner met the ceiling. Kashhad no idea why he couldn’t look at Ledger. “I saw the way your entire demeanor changed at lunch yesterday. You don’t want me here. You’ll always choose your son, as you should,” Kash added before Ledger thought he would ever expect anything different. “I can’t watch you hate me because I am who I am and you are who you are. That’s one thing I can’t live with. I’ve already had to lose you once.”
“Valon told me you lectured him after I walked away yesterday. Believe it or not, yours is the only opinion that’s ever mattered to him. He says everyone else is fake, except you. You don’t give a fuck about how anyone feels about you, and that makes you more honest than anyone else. I know there’s nothing left between you two, but he still respects yourthoughts. So do I, but on this topic, you’re wrong.”
Kash couldn’t stop his eyes from turning Ledger’s way.
Ledger boldly held his stare. “I want you here.”
“Okay.” His soft agreement surprised him more than anyone. He hadn’t even thought. His mouth had simply decided. Kash didn’t know how to tell Ledger no.
Ledger stood. “Good. Let’s go get your things out of storage.”
Kash laughed. “What makes you think my storage unit is here?”
Ledger’s eyebrowsrose. “Educated guess.”
Kash shook his head and stood. “It’s an hour drive. If we get started now, we can be back in time for me to take you out for the day.”
Ledger’s eyes glowed with happiness. “Won’t we technically be out already?”
“We’ll see if you feel the same later.”
Ledger shook his head, but his sexy smile was every bit as happy-looking as Kash’s felt. Kash refused to lose hope yet. As long as Ledger looked at him the way he did now, Kash feared he would never give up.
Until Ledger saw the inside of Kash’s storage unit, he hadn’t thought his heart could break for him any more than it already had. For half a second, Ledger’s gaze landed on the old beat-up car inside, and nostalgia washed over him. Kash had been seventeen when he came into their lives. On the first day of freshman year, Valon had come home via this piece of metal. Ledger had no idea how Kash kept it running. Valon had introduced Kash to Ledger.Of course, Ledger had grilled him. Kash was two years older than Valon with more freedom, a car, and he looked exactly like he would have Valon on drugs within a month. Instead, Ledger met a funny guy with high intelligence who lifted Valon up to be greater than he ever could be alone. All Kash had needed was a chance. His only sin was being poor with an alcoholic mother. That wasn’t his fault. He had no control over his circumstances. Ledger had quickly learned Kash got up at four a.m. every day to work for a local mechanic. Then he went to school and bagged groceries at night. The mechanic had made sure the car was in good running condition and gave it to Kash so he could make it to work. Kash had bills to pay at home. He didn’t have time to get into trouble. Yet he alwaysmade time for them. Seeing that car again brought back way too many memories. Then Ledger’s gaze skimmed the rest of the room and emotions clogged his throat. A few plastic storage totes were in the corner, holding Kash’s art. There was one metal shelf. All it had on it was Kash’s mom’s ashes, and every birthday and Christmas gift Ledger had ever given him.
“I can donate the car to charity, so it’s not hogging a spot in your garage needlessly. I don’t know why I’ve hung on to it.”
Ledger shook his head. He had to swallow past a lump in his throat to speak. “If you want to keep it, I have room for it… unless you own three more cars I don’t know about.” Ledger infused as much humor as he could into the statement.
Kash didn’t laugh or look his way. “Yeah, I do, but they’re all in various storage units around the country.” Kash popped the trunk of the car and pulled out two duffel bags. He carried them to Ledger’s Navigator and stuffed them in the backseat.
All Ledger could do was watch while he processed Kash’s claim. After a moment, he blew out a sigh. “I’ll get the boxes from the SUV.” He circled the vehicle and opened the back. Kash had said they would need a couple of boxes to pack everything. He had truly meant a couple of small boxes.
Ledger carefully packed Kash’s mom’s ashes first, making sure they wouldn’t move around too much. The sight of the box that held the ashes along with him actually holding it gave Ledger a much-needed realitycheck. This was still the temporary container given to Kash by the funeral home. Ledger should have forced Kash to accept his help, even if only to buy a proper urn.
Ledger chanced to mention it while Kash packed away the gifts. “We should get her a proper urn, don’t you think?”
“That was my plan. But I haven’t been back to California in a long time. I haven’t gotten a chance to deal with it.”
Ledger pushed a little more. “I can get it for you if you’d like. Since I’ve lost a lot of family, I’m way too familiar with picking them.”
“If you want the job, it’s yours. Just use my debit card to get whatever. You didn’t know her any better than I did.”
He couldn’t take it. Ledger stood. He held Kash’s stare, so Kash knew he meant every word he said. “You deserved better.” He motioned around the room. “You deserved a hell of a lot more than this small shelf of memories. I’m furious with myself for not doing more.”
