Page 77 of Searching for Beautiful
“So? You’re more important than their stupid parties. They have them all the time. Even if I’m here, she’ll forget about me within five minutes. ”
“But you won’t have a ride. ”
“I’ll ride my bike. We’re best friends, Brynn. That’s what best friends do for each other. ”
Forty-five minutes later, Ellie and Diana show up at my house, sweaty from their bike ride, and with cookies in hand.
We run up to my room and all jump onto my bed. We relive my dance with Christian and then take turns making up reasons he had to leave. That his parents dragged him away even though he didn’t want to go. He was massively in love with me and was currently crossing the country on foot to make his way back.
Even though I cried earlier, now I’m laughing. That’s what these girls do for me. They make me happy and they’re always there when I need them, just like I will always be there for them.
It’s less than an hour later when Ellie’s mom calls and asks if she’s here. I hand the phone to my friend. One of my best friends.
“Ellie? What do you think you’re doing? I told you to stay home. ” Her mom is yelling so loudly, both Diana and I can hear her.
“It’s important! My friends needed me. ”
“I don’t care. You get your butt home right now or you’re grounded for a month. ”
“Fine!” Ellie yells before hanging up.
Then she does the craziest thing… She climbs right back on the bed and pops another cookie into her mouth.
“Ell, you have to go! You’re going to get into trouble. ” I stand.
“You guys are here for me more than they ever are, so I’m going to be here for you. ”
“But it’s not that important. I’m just being a baby over a stupid boy. ”
“Boys are very important. ” Ellie laughs. I roll my eyes and she continues. “I’m staying. That’s what friends do, right? We make it better. ”
Author: Nyrae Dawn
I can’t help but smile. “I don’t want you to get into trouble. ”
“I’m staying regardless. I guess that means we need to have extra fun so it will last me the next month!” She laughs and we do, too. We eat the whole package of cookies and put makeup on in silly ways just to be able to laugh and tease each other. And even though Ellie does get grounded for a month, she says it was worth it. Diana would have done the same. And I would have for them, too.
Always.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Now
I text Ellie and Diana to meet me at Ellie’s house. Her parents will both be at work, even the day after Christmas. They’re like that. They always work. It’s one of the reasons Ellie used to like being at my house so much.
I raise my hand to knock, but Ellie is already pulling the door open. Diana sits on the couch and gives me a small smile. Just seeing them, being open to them, all my emotions push to the surface. These were my best friends. I loved them. They held my hands at my mom’s funeral. They danced with me in the girl’s bathroom and cried with me just because Christian Medina asked me to dance. We pinkie-swore to be friends forever and to tell each other everything. I miss them…
And I want them back.
“Hey,” I say. As if on cue, they both say hi at the same time. Ellie and Diana sit on the couch, Diana pushing her dark hair out of her face. I can’t stop my feet from wanting to move, but I won’t let myself pace. Holding still, I lean against the fluffy chair across from them and say, “I was lost, when she died. ”
It’s amazing how much you can take in after an announcement like that. I see Ellie’s hands start to tremble. She wrings them together, tries to shake it out. Diana’s eyes dart to the ground, but then they look back at me and I think I see a “thank you” in them. Maybe this is what they wanted all along. Maybe we just needed to talk. For me to meet them halfway, or at least to show them I needed them. I glance at Ellie, who always felt so cast aside by her parents and wonder if maybe she felt like when Mom died, and I didn’t introduce them to my boyfriend, I was casting her aside as well.
“I know I pushed you guys away—”
“We get that. You lost your mom, Brynn. We knew you were hurting. All we wanted was to be there for you,” Diana says. It hits me, how much better this all could have been if I would have let them be by my side. It’s so easy, so easy to lock yourself up. To push people away because you think the pain isn’t as much if you don’t have to acknowledge it, but that’s not true. It makes the hurt a million times worse not to share it with those who care about you. And there’s always someone, I think. I found Emery when I thought I lost my friends. Or Brenda, the people at the center. There has to be someone.
“I know that,” I continue. “I do. It’s like, my brain knew these things. I wanted to open up to you, but I didn’t know how. ”
