Page 62 of Searching for Beautiful
No one is eating pizza anymore, but Dad’s asking Christian about school and his favorite classes and about his mom.
“I live with her and her partner, Sally. You’ll have to meet them sometime. ” The way Christian says it, I can tell it’s a test. That’s how he is. He wants to see how Dad will react to knowing his mom is a lesbian. In a way, I think Christian looks for injustice so he can try to set it right. Part of me knows that’s what he’s doing with me, and that makes my heart hurt. I don’t want to be about fixing something for him or anyone else. Then I need to learn to fix myself.
At Christian’s words, Dad looks up. I get it. It’s a little shocking, which it really shouldn’t be. I just think it’s not something someone expects to hear, but I’m proud of him when he smiles and says, “That would be great. I’d love to meet them. I feel bad that I haven’t gone next door and introduced myself yet. I’ve seen them come and go. ”
That’s the Dad I remember. The one who was strong and who always did what was right. But he doesn’t seem as strong now, and I hate that. I need my old dad back.
“They’d like that. I’ll tell them. ”
“Were you watching Brynn work? She’s really amazing. ” Dad’s face lights up. It’s pride. I’ve wanted to see that look from him for so long, but it rips me apart. Because it’s a lie. He has no idea I haven’t made anything in months.
My eyes dart to Christian, silently begging him not to say anything. To keep my secret even though I know to him, it makes me weak. If he couldn’t do something, he’d admit it.
“Yeah. Brynn is pretty awesome,” is his reply. He doesn’t say my pottery. He says me. My heart gives a little extra jump.
Christian pushes to his feet. “Thanks for having me for dinner, but I’d better go. My mom will be home in a little while and I have a few things I’m supposed to do for her. ”
Dad stands, so I follow after the two of them. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to keep you,” Dad tells him.
“It’s no problem. ”
I feel Christian’s eyes on me. Feel him telling me to say something about us going out sometime. I have no idea how he knows. Maybe it’s just a dating thing, something girls should automatically do when a boy meets their parents.
You and Christian aren’t going out. You’re only friends.
“Dad?” I say.
“Yeah, dolcezza?”
“Christian asked me to hang out this weekend…just as friends. It’s not like a date date or anything. ” Obviously, since I almost lost it when he tried to kiss me.
“Oh,” is Dad’s reply.
“There’s a coffeehouse in Brighton. It’s about an hour away, but it’s pretty cool. They have open mic and some really good musicians play there. ” Christian smirks at me. “Since you like the guitar so much, I thought you might want to go. ”
I roll my eyes. “I like the guitar so much?”
“Yeah. You planned a fake attack so you could steal it, and today you tried to play it. ”
“What? A fake what?” Dad jumps in and Christian and I both laugh. Dad looks upset at first, but then he joins in, too. It’s crazy because he has no idea why we’re laughing, but he’s right along with us. I think it might be the first time I’ve laughed with him since before Mom died. It makes me light, almost like I’m floating.
When the laughing dies down, Dad sighs. I see the war waging inside him, but finally he says, “Yeah. Of course you guys can hang out. You don’t mind if I get your cell number from you, Christian?”
He shakes his head. “Absolutely not. ”
“Good. ” Dad nods. “That’s good. ”
I can see that he’s still nervous when I say, “I’m going to walk Christian out. I’ll be right back. ”
When we get to the front door, I close it behind us. “Thanks for that. I really appreciate it. ”
“No problem. All I did was let you feed me pizza. ”
“I’m sorry about the freak-out…with the…you know. ” Kiss! It’s a kiss, Brynn. You can say it!
“It wasn’t a freak-out. All you did was say no. ”
In that moment, I wonder if there is another boy in the world as amazing as Christian Medina. Maybe it was being raised for so many years by two women and with only a sister. All I do know is he’s incredible, and I wish I could be as together as he is.
