Page 25 of Searching for Beautiful
I stare into the mirror. I look like crap. Wetting a couple paper towels, I try to clean up.
How many people think that? Is it going around the whole school? Is that why people don’t know how to talk to me?
I toss the paper towels into the trash. Heat sizzles and scalds its way through my veins, burning me alive. I’m mad. I’m sad. I’m… I don’t even know what I am.
When I get to the hall, the bathroom door slams closed, startling me. I look to the left and suddenly the heat inside me scorches even hotter.
Christian is leaning against the lockers, Annie Jacobs, the most popular girl in school, with her perfect long blond hair, standing in front of him. She keeps moving closer and closer to him. Christian’s popping gummy bears like they’re going out of style. Is it me or did he just move away? No, why would he? And why do I care?
Just then, he looks up, his bright-blue eyes snaring me. When I start to turn away, he calls out, “Brynn! About time you got here. You’re late. ” Then he says something to a pissed-off-looking Annie before coming my way.
I keep walking and he files in beside me.
“Thanks for the save, pottery girl. That chick’s a few cards short, if you know what I’m sayin’. ”
It’s never stopped the other guys from caring. That’s what guys like, right? I mean, almost every boy in this school has gone after Annie at some point or another, even Ian on one of our breaks. “Pfft. Like that matters. ”
“You go for girls who aren’t playing with a full deck?”
I look at him and roll my eyes. “I’m so not in the mood for lesbian jokes today. ”
“Huh. I thought it was pretty funny. ” He eats another gummy bear. “I thought you were finally loosening up with me last night, but looks like I need to work my magic a little harder. ”
I stop, cross my arms, and look at him. The halls aren’t very busy, everyone off eating their lunch wherever it is they eat. He’s wearing another T-shirt with a long-sleeved shirt underneath. It’s like some kind of retro nineties look, if my memory of old teen shows is correct.
“I know you must have heard what happened with me. ” It was a stupid thing to say.
“I don’t listen to rumors and shit like that. ”
“Yeah, right. Everyone listens to rumors. Even if you heard otherwise, I don’t put out. ”
Christian stops mid-chew and shakes his head. Then he closes his eyes, like he’s taking a time-out or something. It feels like forever until he opens them again and mutters, “Wow…”
Wow? Wow? “Wow what?”
“You’re pretty damn conceited, aren’t you? First I want to look at your ass. Now I want to sleep with you. Did it ever cross that pretty little head of yours that I don’t want you? I mean, you’re hot, I’ll give you that, but you kind of ruin it when you open your mouth. ”
I’m so shocked, I can’t move. Can’t speak. I just stand there, frozen and probably looking like the biggest idiot in the world. He’s right. I’m being a bitch. What’s wrong with me?
Still, I don’t move. Can’t, even when Christian steps closer to me. Closer still. And closer until he’s leaning forward, his lips right next to my ear.
“Did you ever think, Bryntastic, that I might want to be friends?” he whispers close, so close to me I feel his breath on my neck. My body begs to jerk away. My hand burns with the urge to punch him. And a part of me wants to pull him closer.
“That I remember the girl who used to love laughing? Who used to blush all the time? The first girl I ever danced with?”
I gasp.
I was the first girl Christian danced with?
Suddenly, he jerks away. “But, nope, you didn’t think about that. Sucks, but I’m not the kind of guy who’s going to beg a girl to be friends with me. Life’s too short to spend it trying to make everyone else happy. Have a good day, pottery girl. ” After popping a couple more gummy bears in his mouth, this time, it’s Christian Medina who walks away from me.
And it’s my own damn fault.
Chapter Seventeen
Now
The rest of the day, I force myself not to make eye contact with Christian. It’s not too hard to do, considering he doesn’t look at me, either. I don’t blame him and wish it were easier for me to tell him, but that fear is still engraved inside me. Fear that he’ll disappoint me. Maybe that’s not the word, but I’m afraid he isn’t who I thought he would be. It’ll hurt too much to go through that again. Christian is tied to happy memories of my childhood that I want to hold on to.
