Page 80 of Searching for Beautiful
He gives me his half grin. His hair is hanging around his face and he’s cute. So freaking hot. I like him. And it’s okay. It doesn’t make me weak unless I let it, unless I make myself need him. And he’s not automatically like Jason, either.
“You were right the other day, Christian. I wasn’t fighting. I’ve completely given up on everything since I lost Mom and I’m not doing that anymore. I’m taking my life back. ”
Another grin.
“I’m sorry for not trusting you. Or for not admitting…that I like you. That I’ve liked you since I was in seventh grade. I cried in the bathroom because you asked me to dance, Christian Medina. After Jason, it was all so scary to admit, but I’m not going to let myself be scared anymore. ”
“Hey. It’s okay. I—”
“Wait. ” I hold up my hand. “I need to get this out. You weren’t innocent, either. I get wanting to be strong, but you have to realize not everyone deals the way you do. You put a lot of pressure on people and I understand that it comes from a good place, but you don’t cut anyone any slack. We’re all different. ”
He nods at me. “You’re right. I talked to Mom over Christmas break. She let me know that girls aren’t the only ones who are a little loco. Apparently I can be, too. ” He stands. “I’m sorry, Bryntastic. ”
We’re standing close. So very close I can see every color in his eyes. I can see how deep they go on, and that makes me smile.
“So…you’ve liked me since the seventh grade, huh?” He winks.
“Did I say that? That’s not what I meant. ” I take a deep breath, getting serious again. “I wanted to go with you to the dance, but it was hard for me. I should have told you this before, but dances are very connected to my memories of Mom. ”
“Well, that makes me feel like an asshole. I wish you would have told me. ”
“Me too. I’m tired of holding everything in. And…” I take a deep breath. “Christian, will you go to the dance with me?”
He smiles. A big, huge, real smile that makes my heart go wild.
“Are you asking me on a date or are we going as friends?”
My heart speeds up even more. My palms sweat. I’m scared and excited, but can’t wait to do this. I answer him with something other than words. Pushing up on the tips of my toes, I kiss him. Our lips press together in a series of kisses, but I retreat before I let my tongue dip into his mouth. He tastes sweet like gummy bears. He kisses as smoothly and with the same skill that he plays guitar.
My arms wrap around his neck and Christian’s around my waist. It’s the same way we danced all those years ago. He deepens the kiss. Pulls me closer, and I try to push even closer to him. It goes straight to my head and my stomach and I think I just feel him everywhere. Christian Medina. The boy I used to talk to Mom about. I know she would be happy for me now.
When we pull away, I press my lips against his one more time, just needing to be close to him again. “I’m asking you on a date. ”
“Yes. I am so saying yes. ” He kisses me again and I get even dizzier than the first time. I touch the hair that I’ve admired for so long and sweep my tongue across his and wonder if there is anything better in the whole wide world than kissing this boy.
“I have something for you. ” I grab my bag and pull out my gift for Christian. The first piece I’ve made since Mom died. He takes it from me, traces the guitar patterns, and the pictures of a couple dancing and the— “Bears?” he asks.
“Gummy bears. ”
Christian leans forward and his lips press to my forehead. “It’s incredible. You’re really talented. ”
“Thank you. ”
He looks at it again. “It’s beautiful. ” A pause. “You’re beautiful. ”
It didn’t take him saying it for me to know it.
Epilogue
I stand in front of the mirror in my bedroom. My hair is down in long red curls that took forever to do. I have makeup on, but not too much. Just right, I think. Mom was always very particular about makeup. She told me less is more and that it shouldn’t take away from natural beauty. I’m not surprised that she was right.
I run a hand down the front of my dress, which is a beautiful shade of red, too. It bums me out that I got rid of all my old red clothes because of Jason. Never again.
“You look hot. Stop staring at yourself. ” Emery steps up beside me. I shake my head at her.
“You’re crazy. ”
“I’m funny. ”
