Page 68 of Searching for Beautiful
We sit there for a few minutes and I let him hold me. I know I should pull away, but I don’t. I can’t make myself and I don’t want to. I’m comfortable close to him. I deserve to be comfortable. To hug a boy or go out on a date or whatever else I want.
“Hey…I have an idea,” he says, breaking the silence. “It could maybe get us into a little trouble if we get caught, but I’m down if you are. ”
My reflex is to say no, but I don’t. Because I don’t want to. Without even asking Christian his idea, I agree. We drive to a store, where Christian buys three eighteen packs of eggs. I’m feeling a little confused, but I go with it. Call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure egging will be involved and though I’m not sure what brought that on, I’m trying hard to go with the flow here.
It’s dark by now, but not too late. Christian drives, and I’m curious where we’re going, but when he stops on the side of the road, I realize the answer is in front of me.
A billboard.
With Jason’s face on it. The boy who overcame the hard past. The one who took so very many things away from me.
It’s crazy because I can’t even tell you if the sign is new or not. It’s one of those things people just don’t pay attention to. I’m not into baseball. It’s not something I would have looked for, and maybe Jason banked on that.
Anger pushes me to grab the eggs. I slam the car door behind me and storm closer to the sign. Christian’s behind me, but I don’t wait for him. In this moment I don’t care about anything but taking this one little step toward claiming my life back from Jason.
I set the eggs down, open the first package, and throw one as hard as I can. It smacks Jason right in the forehead.
It fires me up in the best possible way. Like happy energy pumping through me. So amazingly wonderful that I actually start to shake. Adrenaline surges through me as I throw egg after egg at Jason. Some of them miss, but it’s okay. In this, I’m beating him. I’m telling him how I feel.
I’m taking my life back.
There’s no fear of getting into trouble. It would be worth it because tonight, I will win. Tonight, Jason’s going down.
“Good shot,” Christian says as I lob another one.
When I pick up the last egg from the carton, I look at it. Look at Jason. “I’m taking my life back,” I tell him as I let the egg fly through the air toward his face. I know it’s not that easy. I know I won’t walk away from this night magically better, but my vow means something to me. It’s me opening the door toward the maze of finding my way back to my life.
As soon as the egg crashes against Jason’s face, I jump into Christian’s arms. He catches me and hugs me. When I start to laugh, he does, too. I feel so…free. I know I’m walking through that door and finding my way home again.
The laughter dies down and I look at him. We’re close. So very close that all I would have to do is lean forward to kiss him. To take another step. He said he wouldn’t try again and I know he won’t. Christian is always honest, so if I ever plan to kiss him, I’ll have to be the one to do it.
Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.
My phone rings, making the decision for me. It’s Dad. I know it is, because no one else calls me. The moment is broken.
“I…I better get that. My dad will freak out. ”
Christian nods and lets go of me. My feet hit the ground and I answer Dad’s call. Tell him I’m on my way home now and then hang up.
We’re walking back to the car in the dark when Christian stops me. “I’m sorry that happened to you. And thanks for telling me. ”
I feel like I’m glowing. Think about kissing him again, but settle on saying, “Thanks for today. And the eggs. Thanks for everything, Christian. I wouldn’t be able to do any of this without you. ”
He smiles as we continue walking back to the car and mutters, “Yes, you would. ”
And I think maybe he could be right.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Now
It’s a couple days before Christmas break. Things have been kind of busy. My “date” with Christian was right before Thanksgiving. Christian, Brenda, and Sally went to spend a week with Sally’s family for the holiday, so I didn’t see him the whole time.
But we texted.
I don’t care that it’s silly to be excited about something so small, but I am. God, Dad used to tease me so much for my crazy texting skills before everything happened. Mom did too. It feels like another step toward claiming my life back.
