Page 56 of Searching for Beautiful
“I know it sounds cheesy, but these are the songs that remind me of you. I want to add them to your iPod, too. ”
The gesture makes my chest swell so much, I think it could burst. “It is cheesy…but sweet too. ” It’s so funny how different situations are when you’re in them. I would tease Ellie or Diana if they got all mushy over a playlist, but when it’s the boy you love, the heart doesn’t always dislike a little cheese. “Thank you. I love it. ”
Jason turns it on and sets it on the edge of the hot tub. We listen to my playlist, most of the songs about love, but some about sex. They play for at least an hour as we sit in the water and talk. This day has been perfect and Jason is perfect and I want to show him just how much he means to me. How much I love him.
“I’m ready,” I whisper.
“What?” He rubs his thumb on my cheek.
“I know I’ve been scared but I love you and I’m ready… I wanna…you know…be with you. ”
This is the day I lose my virginity to Jason Richter.
Chapter Thirty
Now
Christian looks tired as he walks to my locker at lunch. He slides to the ground and when I sit next to him, he immediately picks up my lunch bag and starts to look inside.
I kind of love it. It’s so…intimate in a way. Something you’d do with a person you feel completely comfortable with, and I like being that person to him. I think back to that dance in seventh grade. How much I thought I loved the boy who is now pulling Cool Ranch Doritos out of my bag, and I remember crying in the bathroom because of him. Because he made me so happy just by asking me to dance. I wonder if that’s a good thing. That a boy could make me shed those kind of tears with
something as small as a dance. I think it could be okay, as long as I didn’t lose myself in him.
“What?” Christian asks as he eats one of my Doritos before handing them to me.
I try not to blush. It’s not like I’m going to remind him of that dance. Tell him he’s the first boy I danced with, too, and that I thought I’d been in love with him. “Nothing. You look tired. ”
“I’m tired as hell. ” He leans back against the locker. His guitar case is next to him, but he doesn’t pull it out. “Mom and Angelica were on the phone last night and they got in a fight. It’s the first time she’s heard from her in a while. She always gets all freaked out when they talk, like it’s her fault Angelica couldn’t deal with shit. “
“It’s not always that easy—to just get over something, I mean. ”
“Maybe it should be,” he tosses back at me. “I’m not trying to say I’m perfect, but when I needed to talk to someone, I did it. I found a way to get over it without pretending it’s the end of the world. ”
His words, even though they aren’t meant for me, are like a slap in the face. “So because you can do something, everyone should be able to? Are we all supposed to follow the Christian Medina handbook to ‘getting over it’?” I turn away from him.
“Couldn’t hurt. ”
“Whatever. ”
I try to stand but Christian grabs my wrist and mumbles “Shit” under his breath. “Let’s just ignore that part of the conversation. It’s been a bad day. ”
I sit back down but Christian doesn’t let go of my wrist. His hand is gentle and warm, making shivers dance through me. This would really be easier if Christian Medina wasn’t so hot, so sweet and fun to be around.
I can’t seem to turn my eyes away from him and he’s not looking away from me, either. And then he’s leaning forward and I don’t know what to do. We definitely shouldn’t be kissing, especially after we just got into an argument. Still, I don’t turn away.
Closer…closer he gets and those shivers multiply and add some tingling, too. His lips are right there and if I don’t turn away now—bam!
Christian and I both jerk back at the sound of someone slamming a locker. My heart is going a million miles an hour. Talk about something! Change the subject! “So…your mom?”
He clears his throat. “Yeah…my mom. I was up late because of her. Then Sally tried to cheer her up and that’s definitely not something you want to hear through the walls—”
“Christian! Oh my God! Don’t even talk about that!”
“Not like I want to. ” He grins at me, the tension between us already disappearing.
“Then don’t. ”
“Holy shit, you’re blushing. Dios, I didn’t even say anything. ”
