Page 57 of Searching for Beautiful
“Dios,” I repeat, knowing it’s “God. ” “You said enough. ”
He shakes his head and rolls his eyes. I don’t know what I find so funny about that, but it makes me laugh. The more I do it, the more I want to keep it going until Christian joins me, too.
“Loco. ” He points a finger at the side of his head and moves it around in a circle, which only makes me laugh harder. It’s so amazing, how wonderful it feels to let loose. I took it for granted before, and now I want to remember each and every laugh that ever comes out of my mouth.
“Looks like we missed a joke. ” Kevin’s voice comes from next to us. My eyes dart up to see him, Todd, Ellie, Diana, and Ian standing there.
“Brynn’s funny. ” Christian looks completely serious. Completely comfortable, like always. “What’s up?”
“We gotta figure out that project, man. It’s due next week and we haven’t done shit on it,” Kevin says.
Author: Nyrae Dawn “Sit down, then, we’ll figure it out now. ” He looks over at me and I hate that he’s checking to make sure I’m okay. I’ve known these people my whole life. I shouldn’t let myself be freaked out because of them and I won’t. Not anymore. I’ve actually started to be happy lately and I’m not going to let them change that.
Kevin sits down and Diana follows right behind him. Then Todd and Ellie and Ian last, just like I thought he would be.
Ellie and Diana start to talk to each other while Kevin and Christian discuss their English project. I listen to Kevin and Christian as they try to figure out what they want to write their discussion paper on.
“What about great literary loves?” It jumps out of my mouth. All the eyes in the circle shoot to me like they’re shocked I spoke. It fuels me, makes me eager to prove I’m not that girl. The girl who can’t just relax and be herself. Who can’t really talk.
“That sounds more like a chick thing to me,” Kevin says and I roll my eyes at him.
“Then go at it from a different direction,” I tell him. “Compare those characters who everyone thinks have the best love story and tear it apart. Romeo and Juliet? They fell in love just with one look? I’m sure you guys disagree with that. ”
I’m not sure if I do. I used to believe in love at first sight. That’s what Mom had with Dad. It hadn’t been one look that made me fall for Jason, but by the end of that one night, I thought he was special. Thought because he called me beautiful, it meant something.
“I like where you’re going with that, Bryntastic. ”
“Why do you call her that?” Ian cuts in.
Christian doesn’t miss a beat. “Why do you give a shit?”
Ian shakes his head but doesn’t push it. Christian and Kevin both turn their attention back to me. Todd is kind of just hanging out not really paying attention to any of the rest of us. When I look at Ellie and Diana, both of them turn quickly, as though they weren’t looking at me. Not as though they’re angry, though…maybe curious?
“You going to tell us more, or what?” Christian asks.
Letting out a deep breath, I say, “Yeah, yeah, I am. ”
We spend the rest of lunch talking about Christian and Kevin’s project. When the bell rings, Christian pushes to his feet and holds out his hand to help me stand up. It’s so simple, but not something any boy besides Christian has done for me. That says something about the kind of guys I used to like. No, not me, I think. Them.
“Thanks for the help, Brynn,” Kevin says before grabbing Diana’s hand and walking away. Before I know it, people are moving all around us, but Christian is the only one left from the circle of people who were just sitting on the floor.
“You gonna help us write it, too?” Christian winks. I shake my head but don’t answer. All I can do is smile. Ellie and Diana might not have talked to me, but that’s okay. I didn’t let it stop me from joining in, and I want to bask in that for a little longer.
Chapter Thirty-One
Now
“How have things been going, Brynn?” Valerie asks as we sit in her office.
I’m picking at my jeans and not really looking at her, but I do answer truthfully. “Better. ”
“That’s good. Before you would have told me everything’s fine when we both knew it wasn’t. Admitting things are better is not just being honest about them being bad before but it also shows your growth in moving away from keeping everything to yourself. I’m proud of you. ”
I look up at her, surprised she got all of that. I didn’t mean for it to be a big thing. It was just how I felt. “You got all of that out of the word ‘better’?”
She laughs. I’m pretty sure it’s the first time I’ve seen her do it. “Yes, I did. We counselors are funny that way. We’re always looking for hidden meanings. Do you think you can tell me how things are better?”
I stall for a minute, trying to decide what to say. Then I realize thinking about it just makes things worse. I’m always overthinking everything, and maybe I just need to open my mouth and speak. “Emery and I went to the movies. We’ve been texting, too. ”
