Page 183 of The Virgin Romance Novelist Chronicles
“Cut off,” he repeated, walking down the hallway.
“Drama queen,” I shouted.
Disappointed, I looked at Sir Licks-a-Lot, who was looking between the both of us, mouth still half open.
“You look stupid like that. Close your damn mouth, you idiot,” I snapped at the cat and then stomped down the hallway. If I wasn’t getting any sex tonight, I was going to at least enjoy some Indian curry.
Now I hadanotherreason never to visit Marta again. Vajazzle—Delaney can have that one.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Fucking Condoms
HENRY
“That sounds painful, dude.”
Derk and I sat at the bar of one of our favorite sport restaurants watching the Yankees game and enjoying a beer away from our women. It’d been a few days since the dick-dazzle incident, and I was still a little sour about the whole situation. Not because I was embarrassed or that Rosie wouldn’t stop laughing, but because I straight-up liked the fucking vajazzle, but forced her to take it off, due to being terrified about corking myself up with another adhesive fake diamond.
“It wasn’t painful, scarier than anything. You didn’t have that same problem?”
“No.” Derk laughed. “Then again, I didn’t run my dick along it either. What were you thinking?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I have no clue. I was turned on. Wasn’t thinking. It looked fucking sexy on her. Didn’t you like Delaney’s?”
“Surprisingly, I did.”
“Why do you say it like that?” I took a sip of my beer, waiting for his answer.
“I don’t know. I’ve never really been into the whole frilly vagina stuff. I don’t care if Delaney waxes or bedazzles her pussy. Let’s be honest, it’s a pocket of goodness I like shoving my dick in, and as long as I don’t have to sift through the Amazon to get to it, I’m good.”
“I think every guy has the same thought. It was just something new and different.”
Derk smirked over his beer bottle before taking a sip. Once he swallowed, he said, “You know that old saying about how you become the person you’re in a relationship with?”
“Yeah . . .” I said skeptically. “Wait, you don’t think I’ve become Rosie, do you?”
“Dude, you got a gem stuck in your dick hole. Shit like that only happens to Rosie.”
He had a point.
“I’ve been feeling off my game lately,” I admitted, trying to come up with a reason why I corked up my log with a diamond.
“Ah, is this going to be one of those nights? I wasn’t ready for some serious guy talk. Do we need shots?”
“No.” I chuckled. “Unless you can’t handle a little man-on-man action.” Derk looked at me funny and then I heard what I said. “Umm, I mean man talk. Not man-on-man action. No sword fights tonight.”
“As opposed to other nights?” Derk asked.
“Shit, I am becoming Rosie.”
We both laughed and, maybe because they were going to be needed, ordered shots. I really was feeling off my game lately. I tried to keep it together, but with Rosie’s inability to fill her need for my penis, the whole Tasha fiasco, and the pressure at work, I wasn’t feeling myself, and it was bothering me. I felt like I was spiraling out of control, and I didn’t know how to stop it. A lot of it had to do with Rosie’s erratic behavior. It was one of the reasons I asked Derk out for drinks and some guy time. I had some serious questions to ask him.
Once our shots arrived, we clinked our glasses together and downed them. I chased mine with some beer, trying to wash the harsh taste out of my mouth.
“Shit, that was gross,” Derk said, wiping his face.
“Pretty much. I think we’re getting too old to be doing shots.”
