Page 124 of Stroked Long
Her distraught face. Those tears. That fear.
It’s eating me alive.
I did that to her. I hurt her. Just like I hurt my parents . . .
Fuck, I didn’t hurt them. I killed them.
Chapter Twenty-Three
RUBY
“Where is he?” Eva asks, entering my hotel room. Last night’s makeup is smeared down her face, her hair is tied up in a disheveled bun, and she’s wearing her pajamas. Lauren follows closely behind her, looking just as rough.
“I don’t know,” I cry, still shaking uncontrollably despite the blanket around my body.
“Shit.” Eva grips her forehead. “Tell me everything that happened.”
We sit down in the living space where Bodi’s medals rest. When he left, I realized he didn’t even pack them so I made sure to put them gently back in their boxes and in a prominent place so if he came back,hopefully he came back,he wouldn’t forget them.
“Where should I start?” I’m in such shock. My body feels if I were stabbed, I wouldn’t notice it.
“When things started to go sour.”
I bite my lip and think back to last night. “Well, um, we had sex.” Ugh this is awkward.
“Okay.” My comment doesn’t even affect Eva.
“I noticed he seemed a little different, a little off, as if there were a million things running through his mind. Usually right after, he will cuddle me and he will talk, joke around, but he didn’t do that this time. It almost seemed like a dark cloud started to eclipse him. He then stepped away to make a phone call.”
“Shit, that’s when he called me.” Pure and utter regret flashes through her face. “I was drunk and said stupid things I would never say to him sober.”
“I heard him talking, and he sounded angry. I didn’t want to drop in on his conversation so I got ready for bed. I waited a while but heard him walking around the hotel for quite some time. I didn’t realize how long he was busying himself until I woke up with him wrapped around me.”
“Checking the locks,” Lauren says at almost a whisper to Eva who nods her head in agreement.
“What?” I ask. They both ignore my question and tell me to continue. “I was thirsty and was told not to drink the tap water here, so I went to one of the vending machines to grab a drink. It wasn’t until Bodi was swearing and breathing heavily that I woke up again. He was pacing the floor again, trying to call someone on his phone when he saw the door was unlocked. I didn’t slip the deadbolt thing over. He freaked out, yelled at me, packed his things and bolted before I could stop him. He, uh,” I paused as tears started to stream down my cheeks, “he said he couldn’t do this anymore, as in us. I tried to stop him, I tried to get him to talk to me but he wouldn’t. He took off and won’t answer his phone now.”
“Fuck,” Eva hisses, leaning back on the couch. “This is all my fault. I should have known better than to push him. He seemed . . .” She sighs and pinches her nose; I can see tears start to well up. “He just seemed like he was getting better, like he was living because of you, Ruby.”
“Babe, it’s not your fault,” Lauren says, attempting to comfort Eva.
“It is. This all started with me. We should never have gone out last night.”
“Fuck that,” Lauren says, standing up, speaking in a harsher tone than I’ve ever heard from her. “Babe, you know I love that boy just as much as you do, but there is a time where we need to stop babying him, where he needs to learn how to deal with new circumstances. You’re always asking him to live his life and here you are, barely living yours because you’re always keeping a watchful eye over him.”
“Yeah, and see what happens when I change things? He bolts.” Eva grips her forehead. I’ve only known Bodi for such a short time and my heart is breaking. I can’t imagine the agony she must be feeling. She looks . . . bleak. Inconsolable. “Where the fuck could he be?”
“He’s probably flying home,” Lauren says without skipping a beat. “Knowing Bodi, he’s searching for the familiar, looking to get back into routine. He’s been so far from it, I couldn’t imagine him wanting anything else.”
I kind of want to say that he would want me, that my loving arms are all he needs, but that doesn’t seem to be the case anymore. That realization cuts me deeper than his dismissal this morning.
“God, what should we do?” Eva asks. “Should we call Dr. Auburn?”
I feel like an outsider looking in once again, begging to be in Bodi’s inner circle.Yet, I’m clearly nowhere near the edge.Even after everything we’ve been through, all of our late night conversations and random text messages, I still don’t know him like I wish I did.
Who’s Dr. Auburn?
Why is Bodi freaking out?
