Page 123 of Stroked Long
Ignoring her, I pull on my hair and continue to pace while dialing Eva. As I hold the phone to my ear, look around the hotel, and stop in my tracks when I look at the door. The phone drops out of my hand, my stomach bottoms out and I have the instant urge to puke.
I locked it. I know I did. I fucking locked the door. I checked three times.
I had to make sure Ruby was safe. I locked the door. I didn’t forget to lock the door.
My head snaps to Ruby, my voice booms out of me before I can control it. “Did you fucking leave this hotel room?”
“What?” She’s so startled she backs up.
I point at the door. “Did you leave this room?”
“Um, yeah.” She twists her hands some more, her eyes wide with fear. “I was thirsty and was told not to drink the tap water here, so I got a water from a vending machine.”
“Why didn’t you lock the door when you came back?” My chest is rising and falling so rapidly. The panic attack is starting to take over.
“The doors lock automatically, Bodi.”
“People can still get in!” I yell. I need to get the hell out of here before she sees me in an even worse state.
Blowing by her, I grab my bag, stuff everything in it, throw a shirt on over my head, slip on my sandals, and head for the bathroom to grab my toothbrush.
“What are you doing?”
“I need to leave. I need to get the fuck out of here.”
“Bodi, I don’t understand what’s going on. Will you please talk to me?”
I rip my charger cord out of the wall, stuff it in my bag and pick my phone up from the floor. With one thought on my mind, I head for the door.
Leave. Leave. Leave.
“Bodi,” Ruby calls out, chasing after me. “Please, you’re scaring me. I’m sorry I didn’t lock the door. I didn’t know. Will you please just talk to me? Who were you calling? Maybe I can help you.”
“You can’t,” I say sternly.
“Please.” She yanks on my arm right before I’m about to leave, turning me around so I come face to face with the tears falling from her beautiful brown eyes.
I fucking lose it. My entire body splits in half, hatred for myself pouring out, loathing who I’ve become; it’s eating me alive, pure distaste for the shit I’ve put Ruby through coursing through me.
I can’t do this.
“What?” she asks.
Did I say that out loud? I’m so fucking lost in my thoughts I have no idea what’s going on.
I turn to leave but she grabs on to me one more time. “Bodi, what did you say?”
Without looking her in the eyes, my throat barely able to let words go by as my heart hammers so hard I can feel it in my brain, I quickly say, “I can’t do this,” and leave.
Tunnel vision eclipses me, my feet propel me forward, my breathing is so out of control I’m having a hard time making it to a safe spot. I pour through the stairwell door and stumble down the first few steps, grabbing hold of the rail. My bag teeters down the stairs as I lower myself to one of the steps.
Leaning against the wall, I grip my head and will my breathing to become steady, but it doesn’t happen, it continues to become more erratic with each second. My chest burns, my vision blurs as tears fall from my eyes, rolling off my cheeks and onto my jeans.
Why isn’t Eva answering her phone?
Why didn’t Ruby lock the door?
Fuck, Ruby.
