Page 43 of Killian (The Doherty Mafia)
There were going to be consequences to my actions. I had already defied my stepfather in every way. He wasn’t going to forgive me for fucking up the deal he made with the Dohertys.
“I’m not going to let anything happen to you,” Killian said abruptly.
A big sigh of relief left my lungs. I didn’t know what he meant by that. How could he say that? How could he give me false hope when he was planning on turning me in?
“But…”
“I don’t know what you heard me say, Reese, but I have a plan.”
I shook my head.
“I heard you say you knew where I was. What can that mean?”
“You’ll just have to trust me,” he replied, glaring at me.
“I’m sure you can understand why I’m having a hard time trusting you right now.”
He swung the can up, taking a large gulp of the beer. Then he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
“From the moment we’ve met, I have done everything I could to help you. So no, I don’t understand why you can’t trust me with this.”
I was speechless, because in a lot of ways, he was right.
He rescued me. He kept me safe here. Even though I fought him and tried to escape multiple times, he hadn’t hurt me. He hadn’t punished me. Instead, he made me feel special. He made me feel beautiful. He didn’t laugh in my face when I told him I wanted to be a nurse.
“Reese, sit down,” he growled.
I did as I was told, taking the armchair across from him.
He ran a hand through his hair.
“I’m going to keep helping you. I have a plan. Connor is still alive. He’s in a coma, but he’s still alive. So we will have to work around that.”
My mind was spinning.
Connor was alive. The man I thought I had shot and killed wasn’t actually dead.
“But what about…” I tried to get the words out, but I couldn’t.
My cheeks flushed. My body burned hot. I needed to know what was going to happen to us.
When he said he was going to keep me safe—did he mean we actually had a future? That he believed we could be together?
“What about you and me?” he asked. I couldn’t even nod my head. Killian took another gulp of his beer.
“You and me will go our separate ways, because this is just a fucking illusion,” he replied.
* * *
I had tears in my eyes.
I stood up and turned away from him. Although, I knew he was watching me.
“There is nothing you could have done differently, Reese. I don’t want you to even entertain the thought that we can make a stab at something real.”
I felt choked up with tears. I knew I had feelings for him. I knew it was fucked up. He imprisoned me. He kept me in a basement, but the electrical charge between us was real.
I felt it. I knew he felt it too.
At night, I clung to him like he was the only one who could save me. That wasn’t far from the truth.
In all my life, he was the only one who had saved me.
“I’m not naive enough to assume that we could…make a stab at something real.” My voice came out hollow and awkward.
“Good, because I don’t want you to think I have anything to give you. I have nothing.”
I nodded. Still with my back turned to him.
“Yes, I know.”
He was broken just like me.
And how were two broken people supposed to make it together? We had no chance. I should have known this from the start. I should have figured it out when he told me what happened to his mother.
I could see Killian clearly now.
He had no room for love. I was desperately trying to cling to him. Trying to cling to something there was no hope for.
“But I want to make sure you’re safe. I want you to have what you want,” he continued.
I spun around to face him. I didn’t care if he saw how red my eyes looked. That there were still tears rolling down my cheeks.
“I saw what you were like with Isabelle. How you handled her physical injuries and dealt with her emotional ones. You can do real good. I want you to pursue it. Make some difference in the world.”
My heart ached with love and joy. Even though I knew we could never be together.
In order for me to fulfill my dreams, I would have to go away. Be as far away from him and this world we lived in.
“I trust you,” I said and he nodded.
“Good, because you have no other choice,” he said. The hardness returned to his voice. The moment was gone. I’d seen a glimmer of his other self but he quickly hid it again.
He wasn’t going to allow himself to be vulnerable for very long. Not even to me.
