I could see tears forming in her eyes.
“It’s the same way I feel about Ben.” I cut my eyes back to him. “I’ve never admitted it because I think it makes me weak. Vulnerable. And I hate that shit.”
I could hear them both breathing, knew they were waiting for me to confess. I wasn’t sure I could. As much as I needed them to know that I was sorry, I felt as though I was cutting myself wide open.
“Continue,” Ben finally said when I was quiet for a couple of minutes.
I shook my head. “I can’t.”
“Then use your safe word,” he demanded.
I frowned as I stared back at him. “I’ll take your punishment. That’s not the issue.”
A spark lit his eyes. “Don’t you get it? This is your punishment. Being forced to address the things that make you vulnerable…to realize you have to trust those who love you. As a Dom, you should realize that’s the most effective punishment there is. I mean, that’s what you do to us, is it not? You force us to hand over our trust, to give you everything that we are. We’ve done that. Now it’s your turn.”
Out of all that, there was one part I was hung up on. You have to trust those who love you.
In the near-decade we’d been together, Ben had never told me he loved me. I had never told him. Although it was obvious, neither of us had ever said the words. However, we had powered on and I had convinced myself that I didn’t need to say it and I didn’t need to hear it.
My eyes cut to Addison.
She would need to hear it.
She deserved to hear it.
I looked back at Ben.
And so did he.
Swallowing hard, I nodded, giving myself permission to cut myself open and bleed for them.
*
BEN
PART OF ME HAD EXPECTED Mr. Parker to use his safe word.
After all, that was basically what he’d been doing all this time. Rather than face the difficult things, he ran. Yet unlike submissives who used their safe word as a means to get out of what they didn’t want to do, Mr. Parker had never been held accountable.
There were plenty of subs we’d encountered over the years who would use their safe word because they didn’t want to do something. Not because it scared them or because it caused unnecessary mental stress, simply because they wanted to maintain control. Those submissives generally ended up going back to the vanilla world because it was safer for them.
Mr. Parker would never survive in the vanilla world. He was a Dominant of the highest caliber and he had spent a decade giving me what I needed. Everything except for his trust.
I was demanding that now.
Not only for myself but also for the woman we loved, the woman I knew we both intended to spend the rest of our lives with if she would have us.
Holding Mr. Parker’s stare, I waited patiently.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice softer. “I’m sorry for not giving you what you needed when you needed it. And I’m sorry for not trusting you when it was most critical.”
I nodded. That was a good start.
I moved toward him, getting right in his face. My eyes were locked with his.
“I’ve held back as much as you have. For almost a decade, I’ve wanted to tell you that I love you,” I told him firmly. “I’ve loved you from the day I met you. And I’ll love you for the rest of my life. You never failed me, not once. And it wasn’t until Addison came into our lives and I watched you fall for her the same way that I did that I realized we’d both been holding back.”
Mr. Parker’s eyes scanned my face and I could see all that pent-up emotion there.
A sob sounded from behind me and I turned to see Addison still sitting on the desk, tears streaming down her face.
Christ.
I hated to see her cry.
Moving over to her, I cupped her face and tipped her chin up. “I love you. How and when it happened, I don’t know, but I do know that what I feel for you is something I’ve never felt for anyone except for my Dom.”
She sobbed again, her eyes imploring me. I could tell she was scared, and I couldn’t blame her. After our recent falling-out, we’d all been damaged by the things we’d said and done. I wanted to tell her that it wouldn’t happen again, that I intended to spend the rest of my life making her happy, but I knew words would mean nothing. She would need proof and I intended to spend the rest of my life proving it to her.
“I love you.”
The words didn’t come from Addison, and we both glanced over at Mr. Parker.
“I love you both.” His voice was rough, the words strangled by emotion.
