Throwing my arms around him, I hugged Jordan tightly. “I’m so sorry.”
He hugged me back. “I’m here for you, Luci. If you ever need anything. I know you’re going through a lot of emotional crap. That’s common when it comes to this stuff.”
By this stuff, I assumed he was referring to the whole D/s aspect. And he was right. It was an emotional journey, that was for sure. It was likely even more complicated because I was dealing with four Doms, two of whom I was in love with.
“I promise. I’ll talk to you next time.”
He seemed content with that and I let him go, then offered a quick smile before I headed back to my desk.
As usual, no one was there, so I got the coffee ready to go, then settled in at my desk. I skimmed the calendar, making sure there wasn’t something pressing I needed to prepare for. It was clear for the most part, so I moved on to my email.
Ben arrived right at eight, like always. I instantly offered him coffee and he accepted with a smile.
I prepared it to his liking, then delivered it.
“Here you are. And sir, I wanted to apologize for my disappearing act yesterday. It wasn’t professional. I know I should’ve spoken with someone, but I wanted to let you know I will not let it happen again.”
Ben seemed taken aback by my apology. He simply stared back at me as though it took some time to process what I’d said.
I was just getting ready to leave when he said, “Have a seat,” as he moved his laptop over and nodded toward one of the chairs across from him.
Feeling like a kid in trouble, I slowly eased into the chair across from his desk, my eyes never leaving his face.
“I know you’re probably confused about what’s going on with Justin.”
I nodded.
“He’s going through some…things right now.”
“Is he all right?”
“Yes. Well, hopefully. His dad’s sick.”
My eyes widened.
“He’s been in a nursing home for a while. Things are going downhill right now, so he’s gone home to take care of him.”
“I’m so sorry.” I had no idea and I felt terrible that I’d been selfish enough to think his issues had been with me.
“Don’t apologize. I’m sure he’ll explain all that when he has a chance.” Ben glanced down at his desk for several seconds. “There’s more though.”
Swallowing hard, I waited.
When Ben’s gaze met mine again, I could see some confusion brightening his golden eyes.
“Justin’s come to realize how you feel about Landon and Langston. I think it’s causing him some confusion.”
I frowned. “I don’t understand.”
His smile was sad. “This thing we’re doing in the office…” His dark eyebrows lifted. “It’s always been fun and games. Then you came along and things changed. For everyone. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s just…I think he was hoping for more.”
“More?” From me? That certainly seemed the opposite of how he was acting.
“It’s no secret that Justin’s looking for a submissive we can incorporate into our lives. Me and him. One who’ll be full time just for us.”
Well, that wasn’t what I was expecting him to say. “Like a submissive for his submissive?”
Ben grinned. “Exactly. But I think the more time he spends with you, the more he realizes it’s not going to happen. And that hurts him.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt him.” I honestly didn’t. And now my heart ached. If I gave the impression that I wanted Master and Sir more than him, I certainly hadn’t meant to. Not in the beginning anyway. Admittedly, things had changed along the way, but I wasn’t trying to play favorites.
“This isn’t your fault, Luci. Not in the least. We all want something different. You should realize that by now. It’s the very reason this has become complicated. I think Justin needs time to wrap his head around it.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
Those penetrating gold eyes locked on mine. “Yes. You can be true to yourself and your feelings. That’s the most important thing. At the end of the day, your happiness is what we all want.” He waved his hand. “This all started as fun and games, but it has quickly morphed into something more. We all want more. Now, it’s just figuring out how to make it work and keep you happy at the same time.”
I nodded. “Well, Justin has nothing to worry about. I’m not going anywhere.”
“It’s not you he’s worried about.”
“Then what?”
“He’s waiting.”
“For?”
“For Landon and Langston to get their heads out of their asses and make the next move.” Ben sighed. “I’ll admit, it’s tiresome sitting around and waiting for them to stake their claim.”
I shook my head and forced a smile. “Well, that’s where he’s wrong. There is no next move with them. Master and Sir aren’t interested in me that way. We’re just…playing.”
