I looked at Ben, but he was staring down at his hands. If he knew what was going on, he wasn’t giving anything away.
“I’ve instructed my team members on what needs to be done in my absence. There shouldn’t be anything left to do, unless they have questions.” Justin glanced at me. “Should any of my team members contact you with questions, please refer them to Ben. He’ll be handling things in my absence.”
“Yes, sir,” I said, jotting down the note. Not that I would forget it, but I needed something to do.
“Also, there’s going to be a changing of the guard,” Justin said. “Obviously, I can’t keep her as my submissive if I’m not here. But I’d like to discuss this without Luci in the room. So, let’s deal with any other pressing issues first.”
Sir informed everyone that he would be out of town on Wednesday, but would be back early Thursday morning. Master said he didn’t have any trips in the near future, but if something came up, he’d check to ensure that he wasn’t needed to help out in Justin’s absence before he made any plans. And Ben said he didn’t have anything to discuss.
The next thing I knew, I was being dismissed. And Justin wasn’t kind when he grumbled, “That’s all we need you for, Luci. Please go so we can continue.”
Yep. Rude.
Perhaps I was overly sensitive, or maybe I’d become used to them treating me with a little more respect, but I felt as though they were purposely pushing me away. At least Justin, anyway. Regardless, I squared my shoulders and left the room, closing the door behind me. My heels clicked on the tiled floor as I made my way back to my desk.
I was tempted to see if Jordan wanted to grab some coffee, but I decided against it. As much as I wanted to talk this out with someone who would likely side with me, I wasn’t going to do that. It seemed I was back at square one with my bosses again and I was more confused now than when they’d initially asked me to make a choice.
In fact, it was all getting to be too much for me.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to get ahead with these men. I tried to be everything they wanted me to be, but it was proving more and more difficult. Especially when I felt as though they weren’t giving anything in return.
My hormones were rioting and my emotions were out of whack. I was quickly realizing that Jordan was right. Without open lines of communication, this was going nowhere fast. I knew I couldn’t place the blame completely on them, but there was no denying that they were partially at fault.
And to think, things had been going so well. I still reflected back on my time with Sir in a positive manner. The last night, spending it with both Master and Sir, was forever etched into my brain.
However, my time with Justin hadn’t proved to be quite as positive. Sure, we’d had some fun when Ben was with us, but Justin and I hadn’t been able to connect on a level other than playtime. I didn’t think I was to blame for that because, like I promised I would, I’d gone into the situation with my eyes wide open. I’d given it a chance.
Now I was starting to regret my decision.
It was strange that I’d started to feel this way and the fact that it happened with Justin was what got me the most. When I was with Master and Sir, I didn’t want things to end. Even when we had our differences, even though I didn’t know where I stood with them, there was something different. More accurately, I was different with them.
Yes, I cared about Justin and Ben, but not in the same way. They didn’t make me feel the way I did with Master and Sir. And it was obvious they wanted something different from me.
Feeling my emotions boiling to the surface, I pulled up my email and shot a quick note to all four of my bosses.
Subject: Appointment this afternoon
I just realized that I had an appointment that I must go to this afternoon. I will be back in the morning.
~Luci
As soon as I hit send, I grabbed my purse and left. Thankfully Jordan was on the phone because if I’d had to talk to him, I would’ve broken down into tears.
By the time I was in my car, my cheeks were wet and the sobs were making me gasp for breath. I kept my eyes focused on the road and drove straight to my apartment. Once inside, I locked the door, kept all the lights off, and crawled into bed.
What I needed was some time to release all these emotions. Maybe after that, I’d feel a little more normal.
