Page 92 of Praised
I dragged him to a stop, ready to put the money conversation to rest once and for all. There were a lot of things about me that I would change if I had to, if I wanted to, but my money wasn’t one of them. I loved Rose, I truly knew that to be true, but I didn’t want to have the money conversation with him every day.
“We have to stop doing this.”
“Walking?” He played dumb, but he knew what I was talking about.
I pulled my wallet out of my back pocket and shoved it into his hands, and he pursed his lips, glaring up at me.
“My license is in there, my corporate card, my Amex, probably a thousand dollars in cash—”
He cut me off. “You carry my rent around like spending money.”
“It is, Rose. For me it is. Can you be okay with that?”
Slowly, like it was a bomb, he unfolded my wallet and peered inside. The edge of his finger dragged over the thick metal of my Amex before walking over to the billfold and fanning through the hundred dollar bills and twenties I’d shoved in there the last time I went to the bank.
All of it was nothing to me. The balance on the cards, the quality of the leather, even the cash itself. I had plenty, and I had more. I had so much more than he could clean out all the cash in his hands and I wouldn’t even notice the loss. And maybe that was irresponsible or stupid, or maybe I deserved a walk to the guillotine over it, but I didn’t care.
I’d worked very hard for a very long time to have the things I had. To be comfortable and secure financially, to know that if my friends needed help, I could support them and not blink over it. That was what had always been important, what success looked like for me.
And for so many years I’d thought that was it. I’d considered my life good, solid, beyond compare. Even after Rob fell in love with Grayson, I didn’t see any shortcomings on my side of things. Love wasn’t something I’d ever chased after or pined over. Archie went next, and still I was fine.
It wasn’t until I met Rose that I understood the gravity of the feelings that had taken two of my closest friends down to their knees…figuratively, of course. At least, I assumed as much. It wasn’t until Rose that I’d understood the way all the things I’d done brought me right to him. And even if he wasn’t ready for me, that was fine. I was stubborn and patient, and arrogant enough to wait him out.
“Do you want it?” I asked, willing to offer more than myself, more than my heart. The money was nothing compared to what I’d already given him—I wished he could see that. “Take the cash, it’s yours.”
“I don’t want your money. I’m not a prostitute.”
“That conversation is an old and tired one too. We had it. I thought we’d put it to bed,” I reminded him.
“I don’t need you to pay my rent.” He flipped the wallet closed and shoved it back into my hands. “That’s not what I want from you.”
“What if I wanted to pay your rent?”
“Do you?” He cocked his head to the side.
“That wasn’t what I asked.”
“I don’t want that from you,” he said again, like he was trying to convince us both, when in reality we both knew how much easier things would be for us both if he’d let me. But I would fight that battle another day.
“You already have the most important parts of me,” I told him. “This is nothing.”
I put my wallet back into my pocket and folded my arms in front of my chest, waiting for his answer. Rose glared at me, ever aroused and ever defiant, always fighting against himself for no reason at all. But I’d fought the battle over being casual or serious with him and won. I fought his ex for him and won. The money battle wasn’t going to be an exception to the trend.
“It’s nothing for you.”
“What if Iwantedto pay your rent?” I asked. “What if it made me hard to know that you were safe and taken care of? What if I liked knowing I had an entire other house I could fuck you in if I wanted?”
“Apartment.”
“What if I enjoyed it?” I pressed. “Would you deny me?”
“I’d rather you spend the money on panties and a new couch,” he muttered.
I grinned, letting my arms fall. “Deal. Dalton and Drake are right behind us, so let’s get to the diner. Lead the way.”
Rose knew I’d bested him, but he also recognized there was no other outcome to the situation for him. I was stubborn, but never to be mean or hurtful, and he’d have to get used to it. Iwantedhim to get used to it.
“Thank you,” I whispered to him, taking the victory.
