Page 55 of Reaper

I think of Evelyn and Harrison.

“They are newer friends, but they have been helping me a lot. I think they care at least a little bit.”

She writes something down in her journal before asking her next question. “Why did they think you would benefit from therapy?”

“I had an abusive ex that I left. I haven’t been reacting well around other people recently. They believe talking about it will help. Make me better.”

“What do you think?”

I shrug. “I think that I’ve become so used to being scared of every little thing that I can’t see a day when I won’t be this weak.”

“So you view yourself as weak?”

“Yes. I wasn’t strong enough to leave sooner. I didn’t stop him the first time he hit me. I let him do this to me without a fight.”

“You left on your own?”

“Yes.”

“Do you not see that as a brave action?”

“No. I should have left sooner. I only left then because if I didn’t, he was going to end up killing me.”

“So it sounds like you feel you acted out of necessity.”

Wrapping my arms around my stomach as I feel a tremor move through me. I look away from the camera. I open my mouth, but no words come out and when they finally do, it doesn’t sound like they come from me. “Yes. I didn’t have a choice.”

“What do you do for fun?”

I shake my head in confusion. Talk about one hell of a switch in topics.

I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know. Nothing really.”

“Since you’ve left, what brings you joy?”

I think about Harrison. He makes me feel a little bit more normal. I can’t say his name though.

“My friends.”

“Do you go out and do things with them?”

“Sometimes. At least I have once. I’ll be honest, I’m afraid to leave this room most of the time.”

“Why is that?”

I lick my lips as I fidget in my seat. “I feel like I’m looking over my shoulder all the time. I’m worried he will find me. If he does, I know it won’t be good.”

“So you’ve isolated yourself from the world.”

I think on her words. I have isolated myself.

“Yeah. I have.”

“How does that make you feel?”

I pause a moment. “Honestly, I feel like I exchanged one prison for another.”

“Is there something you can do to make it better? Anything that would help make this new place feel less constricting?”