Page 97 of Wildfire
“You know, don’t you?” I say as she sits beside me staring out at the lake. “That’s why you’re here. When he asked when I’m home, he told you he’s engaged, didn’t he?”
In the whirlwind that has been the past hour, I’d forgotten why I was so upset in the first place. She threads her fingers through mine. “I thought you might be upset. I wanted to be here for you. I didn’t want to leave it to Emilia.”
“You knew what he was going to say to me?”
“No, but I assumed there would probably be something.” Her thumb rubs against my hand gently. “Your dad is an asshole, Aurora,and it’s a well-earned title. The chances of him saying something cruel were higher than me arriving and you being on cloud nine.”
Dad has always been a thorn in the side of our relationship. I question if it’s frustrating for Mom to watch me fight for the attention of someone she dislikes so much. He isn’t something we ever really talk about at length, and to her credit, she only tries to be horrible to his face. “Why doesn’t he like me, Mom? He doesn’t treat me like a daughter.”
“Your father is… I don’t know, darling. When you marry someone, you believe you know everything about them, but people change. Your dad changed. Small things at first—how he talked about certain topics, how he spoke to other people. Then Elsa was born and he went back to being the man I married. He was wonderful with her and she idolized him for it.”
I’m itching to start packing my suitcase again. “Must be nice.”
“It didn’t last long and he went back to being the man who was rude to everyone, picked fights over nothing, and came home late with no reason. Our marriage was strained and I was tired of feeling like I was constantly at war.” She shuffles in her seat and I squeeze her hand to urge her to continue. She’s never been this candid about her relationship with Dad and I’m desperate to hear everything. “You know this part, but we left Elsa with your grandma and took our trip to see the northern lights, finally disconnected from the outside world, and we were happy again. A few weeks later I found out I was pregnant with you and he was so happy.”
“Oh, so there was a time when he was happy I existed. Prebirth.”
“You were like a tiny little doll when you were born. You were absolute perfection. You never cried, you slept constantly, and you just loved being held. I was obsessed with you. But Fenrir was taking up all of your dad’s time and I didn’t want to travel while you were so small, so we were apart a lot. As you grew, you didn’t look like any of the Roberts family and your father became even more distant.”
“Distant? Why?”
“It was subtle at first. He’d comment on how blond your hair was getting when Elsa’s was dark brown, your eyes started to turn green. Everyone in that family looks alike and you were the exception. You looked exactly like me.”
I feel sick and it all starts to make sense. “He thinks I’m not his daughter.”
“He didn’t outright say it, but for a while I was convinced that was the answer. I pushed it aside at first because I thought when you got older, you’d be able to bond and bridge that gap he’d created.” Mom brushes her cheek with the back of her hand. “I wish that had been the answer. I could have fixed that with a DNA test and a hefty round of couples counseling. But then he started to treat your sister the same way and I realized I was searching for answers that would make sense to me, something I could work with, when the reality is the problem was him the entire time.
“We fought and fought over it. I couldn’t stand that I’d started a family with a man who could treat his children like they were an inconvenience to him. I felt like I was grieving the loss of my husband, but he hadn’t died. He just wasn’t the man I knew. You noticed; even when you were very little, you knew things weren’t right. Elsa started acting out to get his attention, which would work, so you copied. I thought it would get better when we traveled together, but if anything, it made you both worse.”
I sit in silence, scared to say anything and interrupt all the answers I’m finally getting.
“It was harmless at first. ‘Daddy watch me do this,’ and you’d wait expectantly, but the less it worked the more you did. And I couldn’t even reprimand you, scare either of you into behaving, because it wasn’t your fault. You were little girls who didn’t know what they’d done wrong. Who didn’t understand—” Her voice cracks. “I’m so sorry, Aurora. I’m so sorry you feel the way you do about yourselfbecause we weren’t better parents. I left him when I realized he’d never change, but it was too late. The damage was done.”
“So the answer to my questions is something that I already know? That he isn’t a good person.”
“I’ve never claimed to be the perfect mother. I know we have our differences, but I love you enough for both me and Chuck.” She stands, brushing off invisible dust from her pantsuit, her pumps in her hand looking wholly out of place. “You’re an adult, Aurora. I cannot tell you what to do and you wouldn’t listen to me even if I did but, legally your father has to pay for your education and living costs until you have access to your trust. It doesn’t mean you have to see him. Do with that information what you will.”
I feel like I’ve had a lifetime’s worth of information in such a short time and I’m exhausted.
Like Mom, I’ve been searching for a reason. Desperately looking for answers that might explain things, give me something I can cling to and fix. I don’t think I can fix a serious character flaw.
I stand, too, following Mom’s lead back toward the main path, helping her step back into her pumps when we reach the gravel. “Are you going to stay for a little while? Emilia will be around here somewhere.”
“I can’t, darling. I need to get home for Cat. He’ll be wondering where I am.”
I forgot about the damn cat. “Is this cat real? Or is it some kind of ploy to get me to come over?”
She rolls her eyes as she reaches into her bag to pull out her cell phone and there, on her phone background, is a picture of a scruffy black cat lying in a sea of pillows on—“Why is he on my bed?”
“You have your own place, Aurora. You can’t claim every bed you sleep in forever.”
“Are you kidding me? You were asking me to move home two minutes ago!”
She huffs as she stuffs her phone back into her purse. “I’m sure if you bring some smoked salmon with you on your next visit he will consider sharing with you.”
I’VE LEFTMOM WITHEMILIAand Xander is under strict instructions that he’s not allowed to hit on her. Xander made some jokes about becoming my stepdad as soon as he realized my mom just looks like an older version of me, and I’m taking no chances. I gave Emilia permission that if Clay even looks in Mom’s direction, she’s allowed to beat him.
I know as I approach Jenna’s office that I’m going to hate every second of this conversation.
