Page 50 of Unhinged Kallie

My dad stopped cleaning and looked me dead in the eye. “Angel, you need to realize that may never happen.”

It felt like a punch to the gut, and my lip trembled. “Why?”

He looked around the room. “It should be obvious, but I will tell you. You’re too much like your mom and Uncle Abel. You feel deeply, become irrational when emotional, and still have trouble keeping your temper in order. You do not think straight and with calculated intent like Troy and I do. We do not feel the same way. We only have manipulation and calculation to guide our actions.” He shrugged. “Emotions make you erratic, they blind you, and they impede your ability to assess situations. This is just a fact. It’s not like you can turn it off.”

“Does that mean you don’t have any emotions? What about mom? Didn’t you love her? What about me? Do you not love me? Do I make you weak?”

He was quiet, and tears leaked out of my eyes. “I will tell you what I told your mother. Your mother was, and you are, the most important thing in my life, but feeling real love is beyond my ability. I am overly protective of you. I want you to be safe and happy and all the other things a parent wants for their offspring. I will provide for and guide you, but what you are asking is impossible for me to say yes to. Your mother understood that, and she still loved me, and I devoted all my attention to her.”

“But you don’t love me?”

He tilted his head, and I was reminded of when I was a little kid, and he would look at me exactly like this when I was being difficult. “I’m a psychopath, Angel. You know I cannot process emotions the same way. I do not choose not to love you. I simply cannot love you the way you mean. It does not mean I don’t feel something.”

Even though I knew all this, hearing him say he didn’t love me hurt me to my core. I loved him and Carter with all I had, and they both kept me at arm’s length for different reasons.

I sprinted out of the room and ignored my dad as he called my name. I rushed up the stairs two at a time and burst through the door, almost hitting Carter as he walked down the hall.

“Fuck me…you just gave me Hershey squirts,” Carter growled teasingly, but I couldn’t stop the tears as they flowed. I darted around him and grabbed my jacket.

“Trouble, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Trouble, this is me. You know I’m always here for you.”

I stuffed my arms in the jacket. “Do I?”

“Yes, of course.” Carter walked toward me, but I didn’t want him to touch me, or I would lose it completely.

Spinning, I ran outside and headed for my mom’s grave. She was the only person who would understand me. I knew it, and she was gone. The air was cold and moist, freezing me more than the coldest day in winter.

As soon as I reached her grave, I dropped to my knees and let the emotion tear from my chest. I was a lone wolf and not by choice. I wanted to be part of my pack, but they didn’t want me.

“Mom, I miss you so much. You would know what to say or do. And you’d know how to handle Dad.” I cried, laying my hands on the ground. “Dad doesn’t love me, and Carter hates me. Why did you leave me here with people who don’t want me around?”

My body shook as I sobbed, my breathing so erratic I was gasping for breath. It only got worse as arms I would recognize anywhere wrapped around me, pulling me into him.

“Shh, I’ve got you,” Carter said, his voice soft and caring.

“Leave me alone,” I said, but I didn’t push him away.

“No, I told you I would always be by your side and protect you.”

“I’m pretty sure a promise you made as a child doesn’t count now. You’re free to go,” I said and pulled away from him to wipe the tears off my face. “I wouldn’t want you to hang out with someone you can’t stand.”

I gasped as Carter grabbed my face and kissed me. “I don’t hate you,” he whispered and brushed his lips softly against mine again. “I could never hate you.” Kiss. “I always want to be near you.” He nipped at my bottom lip. “You’re beautiful.” He didn’t deepen the kiss, it was hardly more than a friendly hello, but I would’ve paid any amount of money or killed anyone to stay like this with him forever.

His lips were soft yet firm and commanding. My ears rang as my heart pounded so loud I would’ve sworn my dad could hear it in the house. Butterflies took flight and made my stomach feel like it was dancing. Carter tasted like coffee, chocolate, and sweet sin.

“It feels like you do,” I whispered against his lips as he softly kissed me again.

“It’s just so complicated, Trouble, but don’t ever think I hate you. I promise you. I don’t. I never could.”

Sitting down, he pulled me into his lap, and I curled myself up, pretending we were a real couple. I balled his jacket into my fist, never wanting to let him go. But I knew he would sprint away again when we left this spot.

“My dad can’t love me. I just realized that all this time, he was tolerating me.”

“No, that’s not true. I know Cain can’t feel the same as you, and I can, but there is a part of your dad that loves you fiercely. It’s just different for him. Trust me. You’re the most important person in his life. He would lay down his own for you.”