Page 128 of Disobedient Pawn

“Did you want me to come in with you,” Myles asked, and I gave him a little smile.

“No, I need to be alone, and I need to call Lizzy and let her know I’m not coming. Girl talk with lots of crying, nothing you want to see,” I teased, trying to make light of what had happened.

Myles gave me a lopsided smile for my effort, but his eyes still seemed worried.

“I’ll be fine, I promise. I’ll text you later.”

I reached for the door handle, but Myles stopped me, his hand gripping mine firmly.

“Ya said that yer mum loved Christmas. Tell me what the two of ya would do.”

“Oh…well…we would make fun ornaments for the tree and bake and build gingerbread houses.” I giggled at the memory of the badly charred cookies that always made us laugh. “We always had a wonderful meal. Even when she got really sick and couldn’t help make it or keep it down, she wouldn’t take no for an answer and sat in the kitchen with me all day, walking me through how to make everything.”

Myles’s thumb rubbed the back of my hand, and I watched it move back and forth, the simple action so comforting as memories flooded my mind.

“The last few years, my father wasn’t around for dinner. I don’t know why I thought this year would be different. But Lizzy would come with her parents and little sister, and my Aunt was there too, so we still had a warm house filled with smiles.”

I settled back into the seat and watched the white snowflakes fall, illuminated by the truck's headlights.

“After everyone left, we would give each other a gift, and I’d help my mum get bundled up, then we’d sit outside drinking hot cocoa with lots of marshmallows, just talking. She could hardly stand, let alone walk, but she refused to let a holiday or birthday pass without making it something to remember. She was my hero, and I miss her so much,” I said, closing my eyes as the emotion poured out of me. Tears silently slid down my cheeks.

“Yer mum sounds like a beautiful soul.” I nodded. “Yer like yer mum Snowflake. I see the same kind heart in you.”

“You haven’t seen me really mad yet. You may change your mind,” I said, and Myles laughed.

“Aye, I may, but I doubt it. The goodness in ya runs deep like a river of pure white. This world is so dark, Snowflake. Please don’t ever lose yer beautiful heart. It gives me hope that I’m not forever lost.” Myles leaned in and kissed my forehead. “Ya better go in before the guards come over to investigate.”

Myles got out and once more handed me my suitcase.

“Thank you again for…well, for everything.”

“Text me,” he said.

“I will,” I said and walked toward the door. I punched in the code that Myles gave me, the light on the keypad turned green, and the door unlocked.

When I got up to my floor, I stared at the pink wreath I hated, and the next wave of emotion washed over me. With a burning rage born of the helplessness I felt in my soul, I ripped the wreath off the door and smashed it over my leg. It bent in half, and I pressed it together until it was a pink half-moon.

Unlocking the door, I tossed the wreath in Vicky’s trash and went straight for her closet. There they were, the holy grail of Vicky’s closet, her shoes. The wild rage rolled over me again as I pictured her smug face laughing as she cut my underwear apart.

Grabbing the first pair of high heels—Jimmy Choos—I screamed and strained but ripped the heels off before tossing them onto her bed. Reaching in again, the next pair to touch my fingertips were Miu Miu, and even though someone somewhere would faint to see it, I pulled the heels off them as well. I didn’t stop there. Every pair I touched was ruined until I was out of breath and stumbled back to sit on my bed, completely spent in every way possible.

Vicky was going to kill me for what I did, and she probably owned the gun to do it, but I still couldn’t bring myself to care. Standing, I grabbed the frame that held the picture of my mum and me before she got ill. We looked happy, and she looked healthy. Gripping it to my chest, I lay down and closed my eyes.

Tomorrow was another day and another battle, but for tonight I’d cry and grieve for who I’d been and who I needed to become to survive.

DECEMBER 24 – SATURDAY 4:36 PM

Ren

I jumped when someone knocked at the door. I’d gotten used to the ultra-quiet of the dorm, no one but me and the ghosts of those who walked the halls before me.

There was a set schedule for food, but other than that and a handful of students, I didn’t see a teacher or the dean. The knock came again.

“Snowflake, are ya in there,” Myles called out, and a smile spread across my face.

I hadn’t seen him since the airport, but we texted every day, and it was becoming routine to talk just before bed to say goodnight.

“Coming.”