Page 13 of The Crown the Fae Forgot
I pulled my hand from his and filled it with a handful of bread, instead. “Not at all.”
Finch let out a snort of disappointment, but it did nothing to dull that sparkle as he settled back down into his end of the boat. “No,” he said, eyes drifting from mine for a moment as he looked out on the passing buildings that loomed over the edges of the canals. “We both thought it was a good idea to get you out of that library, and away from that woman the lady assigned you. Can’t be good for you to be spending so much time with either.”
“You have a problem with me going to the library?”
Finch’s eyes snapped back to me in an instant. “Not at all. Just, it’s not good for anyone to spend all their time holed up with books. I get it, you’re trying to learn about what it is to be fae…but what better way to learn than to actually experience it?” He held out his hands, gesturing to the river, the canal, the boats all around us. “Midsommar will be here before we know it. I promise you, there will be plenty of time for picking through bookshelves when you’re back in the Eastern Court. And if you’re looking for instructions on how to use your glamour, well…” Finch trailed off, and I knew my flushed cheeks revealed the truth I’d been so desperately trying to conceal—or at least part of it.
This time, when Finch reached out to take my hand, bread and all, the serious look on his face wasn’t the slightest bit contrived.
“Courts don’t willingly share their secrets with one another. They’re careful. We’re taught in person, not by books. The only place to learn about your glamour is in your court, Aurra.”
His words were meant to be comforting, freeing even—to keep me from wasting time, looking for information I wouldn’t find. But instead, they did the opposite. I felt that heat that had risen up in my cool and turn to ice in my veins instead.
“What, are you surprised? Zev and I aren’t complete idiots, even when Shiel is preoccupied. We know what you’re looking for all day in those books.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “It’s…it’s not that.”
Of course, they had an idea of what I was doing. I expected them to, in fact, I’d have been far more surprised if they hadn’t. But that wasn’t what concerned me, wasn’t what made dread sink like lead in the pit of my stomach as Finch’s words settled in.
“You say I can only be taught how to use my glamour is by another fae, so then…what if the only person who knew how to practice my glamour is dead?”
CHAPTER EIGHT
Even if Ifigured out how to undo the spell binding my glamour, there was no one left in this world who could teach me how to use it.
Finch hadn’t meant to cast a pall over our afternoon, but the shadow of his words lingered long past the time it took for us to walk in sullen silence back to the house where Zev waited, his hands stained with ink from his many trips back and forth with Shiel’s seemingly unending stream of letters.
The brief, near-manic energy that had possessed me and driven me into the library all week had all but evaporated in the instant the truth of Finch’s words had settled over me, leaving me to face that hollow void I’d been trying to run from.
It wasn’t just the thought of the father I’d never know now, that drove me into my bed as if the covers pulled over my head were enough to protect me from this wicked world. It was the futileness of it all. So, what if I learned how to lift the spell? What then? I had no place in this new world, just as I’d had no place in the human one.
That small space I’d carved for myself had been stolen from me, and the thief who had stolen it was none other than myself.The moment I’d made my sister forget me was the moment I sealed my fate, the moment I made myself truly alone in a world that was unforgiving no matter what role I took up in it.
I hadn’t realized until those hours spent huddled in the dark of my room turned into days, just how much I’d clung to my sister, even after we’d left. I’d assumed, in my waking, conscious mind, that I would never see her again, that the paths that carried us away from each other would never again cross. But from the way my shoulders shook and my breaths grew ragged, some deep part of me broke at the realization of just how true that was.
I’d focused on her freedom, on how the price paid for me had bought her an education and a future. I may not have expected us to see one another again, but there was something comforting in knowing she carried the memory of me the way I carried hers. Somewhere in the world was one person who truly loved and cared for me for no reason other than the fact that she chose to.
Knowing I was lost to her was like losing her all over again.
And this time, there was no hope—not even in the depths of my subconscious—of getting her back.
That was the darkness that consumed me most of all.
Outside, as the Midsommar preparations grew by the day, so did the darkness inside me.
At first, Finch and Zev tried to coax me from my bed with promises trips to the library, of more boats and other excuses to get me out of the house. Then, when those failed, they resorted to trying to get me out of bed.
When that failed too, they just tried to get me to eat. They brought new books to me from the library, children’s nursery tales that sat unopened and gathering dust beside the untouched plates each day.
I had no notion of how much time actually passed, only that it wasn’t enough for them to call on Shiel, still healing in theroom next door, to help—but just enough to call on the next best thing.
I knew, the moment the two healer’s faces appeared in the darkness over my bed, pale and creased with worry, that they’d grown nearly as desperate as I was.
The female’s brow furrowed deeper when she got a look at my face, her head turning to look at the other faces I was sure I’d see peering back at her with the same concern from the doorway, if I looked. I didn’t have the energy to turn, however, didn’t want to feel the guilt that clung to my insides when I saw the way they worried over me.
I groaned and tried to pull the blanket back over my head, but she reached out a hand to stop me before I could disappear beneath them.
“There’s nothing wrong with me,” I muttered. “I don’t need your help.”
