Page 50 of Dirty Liars
“I’m sorry,” he says, “I didn’t know you were untouchable. It won’t happen again.”
I can’t quite find my voice right away, I’m so surprised. Untouchable. That’s what I’ve always considered the boys … but now Chris is using it to describe me.
It’s more than that, though. Astor, Wills, and Blair have never made anyone apologize to me before. They’ve always been the ones instigating the torture, from themselves and from all of their followers. It’s why Chris thought it was okay to give me hell in the first place. He’s been trained to do it.
“I’m not about to forgive you,” I say. “And Blair isn’t the only one who’s going to kill you if you try that again.”
Astor tells him to get the fuck out, and when he says it there’ hellfire in his eyes.
Chris practically evaporates out of the hallway. The silence that follows is deafening, broken only by the sound of my own shaking body. If Astor hadn’t showed up just then, I don’t know what would have happened.
He’s thinking the same thing.
“Are you alright?”
“No, I’m fucking not.” I cover my face in my shaking hands, and suddenly his arms are around me. He doesn’t kiss me. He doesn’t proclaim undying feelings, or press me to see if I’m on the verge of mental collapse. He just holds me.
“No one will ever touch you again, do you hear me.”
I nod, but that’s not enough. He draws back a bit and forces my face up to look at him.
“I need you to know that you’re safe here. With me.”
I search his face, and I see no malice there, no ill-will. He’s serious.
I nod.
He rubs his hand lightly over my back and then jogs up the stairs after Chris … doubtless for a little private conversation about what just happened. What almost happened.
I get out of here as fast as possible.
I should be more upset, more shaken than I am. I’ve been roughed up before, but this time is different. This time … I don’t leave feeling scared and alone. I feel … safe.
Something changed the night of the party. Maybe it started before, but it definitely came to a head when I nearly died from alcohol poisoning.
For the first time here, I feel safe. And it’s all because of Astor. And Wills and Blair.
Who would have ever thought?
CHAPTER20
I’m stilla little wary at first, but the boys don’t immediately revert to their old ways. It’s like they’ve been possessed by decent men; better men who want to protect me, not harm me. If I could, I’d still keep them at arm’s length for a while, but they aren’t having any of it.
Astor’s warning to Chris spreads fast. His influence changes everything for me. Suddenly, my things stop disappearing from my backpack, the water in the showers always stays hot, my laundry shows up folded instead of half missing and the other half bleached, and every Friday morning Thomas is waiting outside my room with a bouquet of roses. The fact that they lookjustlike the ones that got knocked over during the argand lamp incident is not lost on me.
Irony, thy name is teen guilt.
The most marked change, however, might be the fall of Victoria.
There is no forgiveness for her actions, not when Astor holds the iron grip over the school.
One moment she’s the queen bee, the most popular girl on campus—even more than any of the seniors. The next, I only seem to spot her sitting alone beside the trash cans at lunch or squeezed into the very front row of desks during class with her face frozen forward and silent.
She doesn’t look at me, she doesn’t speak to me. There’s no apology, no get-well-soon card … nothing.
Otherwise, I might have tried to help her. After all, she did take me under her wing when I first got here. Sure, nearly every event she invited to ended in my being humiliated in some way. And sure, she lied about what was in the punch … but she didn’t know I had good reason not to drink.
It’s not pretty to watch a star burn out; a glittering diamond one moment, a social pariah the next.
