Page 140 of Untying the Knot
“That’s what I thought. You can hit the girl you terrorized for years, but you can’t hit me. It’s a shame you’re not the one who died from a heart attack. Lord knows we need less of you in this world.”
“Nichole, please,” I beg, pulling her into the bedroom and finally shutting the door.
But she’s not done. She pushes off the door and then forces me to look at her. “How many times did she hit you?”
“Does it matter?”
“It matters to me. And where the hell is Ryot? Why is he letting this happen?”
“He’s at an away game in Washington.”
“What?” Nichole shouts. “He just dumped you here with that monster and took off?”
“He can’t get the time off, Nichole. They’re close to the playoffs, and every game counts.”
“Uh-huh.” She nods and folds her arms over her chest. “You’re telling me that baseball is more important than you?”
“No. It’s just . . . it’s not that easy.”
“It could be, but he chose for it not to be. Unbelievable. Well, you’re not staying here another night. I won’t leave you here alone with her.”
“Nichole, I can’t leave her here. The funeral is in two days. Some things still need to be done.”
“Who cares? Let her do everything on her own.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not? She’s obviously taking her anger out on you. How can you let her do that?”
I take a seat on my bed and sit there in silence.
“Myla, you’re a grown woman. You’re no longer the little girl who used to cower in the corner whenever she heard her mom’s voice. You’re stronger now.”
“Yes, but she’s hurting.”
Nichole blinks a few times. “She’s . . . hurting? Because she lost the husband she stopped loving years ago? Are you hearing yourself?”
I look away and quietly say, “Nichole, if you’re not going to be supportive, then I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
“Iambeing supportive. This is called tough love, sweetheart. And it seems like I’m the only one who cares to give it to you. What is Ryot even doing to help?”
“Keep him out of it.”
“Why? Because you’re going to defend his passive behavior as well? Tell me you’re okay with him not being here, that you’re not miserable that he’s in Washington while you’re here, getting slapped around by your mom?”
I can’t look her in the eyes, nor can I answer.
Because I’m struggling with the idea that something this important, this monumental in my life has happened, and he can’t be there for me. Granted, he told me if we were married, this would be different, but there aren’t exceptions for girlfriends.
Still, he’s the one I need. He’s my rock, my comfort, and the fact that I’m going through this without him is so painful, that it’s almost impossible to comprehend.
“Nichole,” I finally say, “I know you’re trying to help, but you’re not. I’m struggling with a lot, and I know you have your mama bear pants on, but I just need a shoulder.”
She pauses, unmoving for what feels like minutes before she sighs and sits next to me on the bed. Her arm drapes over my shoulders, and she pulls me in tight. It’s enough to break me. I spend the next few hours crying into her shoulder off and on.
I tell her how lonely I feel without Ryot. How empty my heart is and how bitter I feel. As someone who can step outside the situation and see what’s going on, I know he can’t be here. I get that, I truly do, but it doesn’t make me any less bitter about the fact he’s not.
That baseball is first.
