Page 135 of Untying the Knot
“Wow,” he says as he stands. “You look amazing, Myla.”
This, this right here, is one of the reasons I fell in love with him because, with a simple comment, he can make me feel like I’m the most beautiful woman in the world. He’s always made me feel like that, even over the past few months. He might not have paid as much attention, but when he did, he made me feel divine.
“Thank you,” I answer as I brush my hand down my clothes. “Are you ready?”
“I am.” His hand falls to my lower back, and the smooth touch sends a chill up my spine as his thumb grazes over my exposed skin. It’s subtle, but it still reminds me of our bond and the strong pull we have toward each other. Such an undeniable attraction. But if I’ve honestly learned one thing lately, it’s that I need more than just physical attraction in our marriage. I need respect and consideration.
He guides me out into the hall, shuts our door, and we head down to the elevator together.
Silence meets us, and I bite down on my cheek, wishing it wasn’t like this. Wishing we could talk about what we just went through and the truth of it all.
Finally, he asks, “Everything good with Nichole?”
“Yeah, no news yet. She told me to stop asking, and if she hears anything, she’ll let me know.”
“I can understand that. I’m sure it’s very nerve-wracking for her.”
“I think I’m more freaked out than she is.” When we reach the elevator, he pushes the down button and then turns toward me.
“I don’t know if this is stepping out of bounds or offering too much, but if something, God forbid, is wrong with Nichole, I want you to know, even though we’re divorced, I will one hundred percent be there for you both. Okay? I don’t want you thinking that you can’t come to me once this trip is over.”
The elevator dings, the doors part, and we both get on.
When he pushes the lobby level button, I say, “I appreciate that, Ryot, but don’t you think that will be hard? Seeing each other?” It’s hard enough as it is, being next to him now.
“Yes, it will. But what would be harder is going through something difficult alone. So if there is something going on with Nichole, you need to contact me, got it?”
I nod. “I will.”
“Good.”
This is why it’s hard to stop loving him because he does care. He might have forgotten the past few months, we might have pulled apart, and a foundation of resentment formed, but when it comes down to it, he loves me, and he will always care for me. He stated that in his letter, he stated that in the pool, and this right here shows that.
It’s . . . it’s confusing, and before I know what I’m doing, once the elevator doors part, I pull Ryot off to the side, out of sight of the group that is just up ahead in the lobby.
“What’s going on?” he asks.
My nerves turn in my stomach as I stare up at him, knowing that I won’t be able to get through the night if I don’t at least say what’s on my mind. “That was weird.”
“What was weird?” he asks, glancing over his shoulder.
“The pool. That was a weird thing we did.”
“Oh.” He pulls on the back of his neck. “Yeah, that was sort of strange. Sorry if I made it awkward with what I said.”
I shake my head. “You didn’t. You were speaking your truth, and that’s what you’ve always done. But I feel like you’re tiptoeing around me, and it’s making things even weirder.”
“I don’t know how to act around you at the moment,” he admits. “I’d be lying if I said being near you, pretending like everything’s okay isn’t hard, because it is. I still love you, Myla, and it’s going to take me a second to figure this all out and navigate through the process of letting you go.”
I wet my lips and stare at the ground. “I feel the same way.” When I lift my gaze to his, I continue, “These past few weeks, these past few months have been awful. And the other night, when you signed the papers, it was even more confusing, even harder because I saw the finality of it all. The culmination of our rough time coming to an end. It’s been hard trying to let go as well.”
“Thank you for admitting that,” he says softly. The somberness of his voice nearly breaks me.
“This will continue to be weird if we keep . . . I don’t know, thinking about what we lost. You know?”
“Yeah, I don’t think anyone wants to see a grown man cry at a dinner table, but that’s how I feel.”
I bite down on my lip and try to lighten the mood. “It might be entertaining. You do have quite the ugly cry face.”
