Page 132 of Untying the Knot
“Yeah, I think so,” I answer through a tight throat.
“Once everyone is comfortable,” Mel says, “I’d like you to tell your partner three things you appreciate about them.”
What is this class?
I’m all for growth in relationships, but I’m having a really hard time understanding how Huxley Cane is in this class. Sure, I could possibly see JP doing this, but Huxley? I don’t think he understands what emotion is. Crazy what love can do to you.
“Do you want to go first?” Myla asks. “Or do you want me to go first?”
“We don’t have to. She can’t hear us from here.”
Myla’s expression falls, and it surprises me.
Wait . . . did she want to do this?
“Yeah, she probably can’t. We can probably just float like this until it’s over.” She glances away, and I feel like I did something wrong.
Hell, I know I did something wrong. This is a moment where I could offer her that change. I can show her a part of me that might have been lost in the past few months.
“Hey,” I say while trying to gain her eyes. “Did you want to do the exercise?”
“No, it’s fine.”
“Myla, don’t lie to me.”
She sighs heavily. “I don’t know, Ryot. It just seemed like something we could at least say to each other. Three things we appreciate? I told you I want to move on, and moving on by saying something nice rather than mean all the time might be better.”
I don’t even have to think about it to know that she’s right, so I say, “Okay, then let’s do this. You go first.”
“Are you sure?” she asks.
“Yeah, I’m sure,” I say as I move my hands to her lower back, holding her closer.
“Okay. Well, three things I appreciate about you would be that you have always, from the day we first met, been patient with me. I think it takes a lot of strength, especially in your heart to be patient with someone like me, and you’ve exemplified that often.” Her finger rubs against my neck. “Even with the batteries.”
I chuckle. “So we’re no longer in denial about that?”
She shakes her head. “No, it might be healthy to come clean.” Continuing, she adds, “I also appreciate your humor. You’ve always understood me in that way. Never judged me.”
“You’re funny. What’s not to understand?”
She softly smiles. “And lastly, I appreciate your heart. You took a chance on me when I didn’t think I deserved a chance. You helped me see that through the bruised and battered heart I grew up with, that I was able to open myself up to love.”
“It’s easy to love you, Myla,” I say before I can stop myself.
“It’s easy to love you, Ryot.”
Any other human in my situation would say,then why are you asking for a divorce, why are you trying to break away from me?
But I know why.
Because I broke her trust. I broke our vows.
I’ve thought a lot about this over the past twenty-four hours. I’ve never verbally abused Myla. I’ve never flaunted her flaws or tried to make her feel small. But I’m seeing that in taking away her choices, moving her without any consultation or—let’s be perfectly honest—any thoughtabout her needs, I’ve treated her with the same level of disrespect as her parents. She’s an intelligent, driven woman, and in many ways, I belittled that. I knew she loved her work with Renovate Chicago, and I’m now sickened by my disloyalty to her. My actions spoke loudly and negatively into her fragile self-esteem, much like her mother’s words and her father’s inaction did. I made her feel unvalued and inconsequential.So she ran from me. Because that’s safer than confronting the bully, as she learned from her mother’s abuse. God, I fucked up.
Clearing my throat, I say, “Well, I guess it’s my turn.” I move my hands down her back, repositioning myself as her legs grow tighter around me. “I appreciate your strength. You’ve been through hell and back, Myla, and even though there were times when you didn’t think you could recover, you never broke. I appreciate everything you put into our marriage, especially when I was playing baseball. You made it easier on me, for me, and you tried to keep us from breaking, and I will always love you for that.” She glances away because I know that’s a touchy subject. She put her life on hold so I could pursue my dreams.
What have I done for her?
