Page 117 of Untying the Knot
“I don’t want to resent you.”
His wet hair falls over his forehead as he looks up at me. “What do you mean?”
“We’ve been through a lot, Ryot. I would never say our romance had a fairy-tale feel to it because there were a lot of ups and downs, created mainly by me at the beginning, both of us in the middle, and you in the end. And the end of this marriage is clouding my ability to remember all the great things. I don’t want to walk away from you feeling anger, or hatred, or resentment. It’s not something I want to live with, and I don’t want you to live with that either. So I’m looking for forgiveness. I’m looking for . . . for healthy closure.”
He stares down at his clasped hands and nods solemnly. “Can’t say I love hearing that.” He lifts his gaze. “But I get it, Myla. I don’t want you to resent me either. I hate what I’ve done to you, hate myself for it, so the last thing I want is for you to hate me too.”
“I know the last thing you want is for us to be friends because I don’t think that’s possible, not with the heavy feelings we have for each other. But if we could at least, I don’t know, find a way to part without bad feelings, it might help both of us move on.”
He nods. “Yeah, I think you’re right. I’d rather part knowing that you don’t resent me than not have these next few days with you.” He lets out a sigh and then stands from the bed. “It’s late. We should get to bed.”
“Probably.”
I switch off the light in the entryway of the hotel room, then make my way over to the bed, where I plug my phone into my charger on the nightstand. He pulls down the sheets, and together, we climb in. But whereas I normally would have slithered over to his side, probably naked, and clung to him all night, it feels like at least three feet of cold, empty mattress is between us.
And even though we’re attempting to ease out the tension and bitterness, we don’t say good night to each other or roll over to face one another.I’ve never felt more alone.
* * *
RYOT
Ryot:For those of you not here, Myla came with me to Napa. We talked last night, and the reason she’s here is that she doesn’t want to leave our marriage feeling resentful.
Banner:I guess that’s smart. I wouldn’t want to do that either after everything you’ve been through.
Nola:Wow, she’s stronger than I was. When Caleb and I broke up, I wished he fell in a well and never resurfaced again.
Penn:Remind me to never cross you.
Banner:She’s cutthroat. Myla, on the other hand, no matter how many times she’s tried to let you go, she’s always come back. I can see why she doesn’t want to feel bitterness toward you.
Ryot:I spent the entire night thinking about what she said. She doesn’t want to resent me. She knows being friends isn’t possible with the feelings we have for each other, but she at least wants to be in a headspace where there isn’t any bitterness or resentment. I don’t want there to be bitterness either, I want to work on this. I want to work on us. So . . . that’s why I’m going to win her back.
Penn:Oh God.
Nola:**winces**
Banner:Dude, is that the best idea?
Ryot:It’s the obvious choice.
Penn:Or are we reading a little desperate?
Nola:I don’t like agreeing with Penn, but you might be in a good spot to end things amicably rather than in a dumpster fire.
Banner:Yeah, after last night, I don’t think trying to win her back is the right choice.
Nola:What happened last night?
Penn:Yeah, clue us in.
Banner:Well, after the kiss that nearly turned me on just watching it . . .
Nola:YOU KISSED?
Banner:I would like to clarify: Myla and Ryot kissed. Proceed.
Penn:I didn’t think you (Banner) and Ryot kissed, although sometimes brotherly love can go a bit far.
