Page 24 of Brazilian Surrender
His pulse throbbed. “I’m not scared.”
“Is this because of what happened to your wife and child? You’d rather not get attached to anyone?”
Jaeger swallowed hard. How did she know about Ellen and Trevor? He glanced at her and she shot him a nervous smile as she let go of her shoes and her arms dropped to each side. His aunt had probably told her. “It’s not that I wouldn’t. I simply don’t have anything left to give. I had a good marriage and a son I loved more than anything, and I lost both,” he said, his voice strained. The image of a happy three-year-old boy with reddish hair and green eyes, running to him after a soccer game at the park formed in his mind. “If I pursue such things again, I wouldn’t be honoring what I lost.” Starting over didn’t seem fair. He’d get a new chance at love, but his sweet wife and loving son wouldn’t—because of him.
“Wouldn’t you be honoring what you lost by enjoying the life that was robbed from them?” She frowned. “Listen, I’m not asking for your big, manly hand in marriage or anything, I’m just saying in general.”
“I’ve done okay so far,” he said and wished his voice hadn’t lost energy at the end.
“Fair enough. Why fix what isn’t broken?” she asked. “Doesn’t mean we can’t explore this crazy, hot attraction between us.”
Every day since the funeral he’d known he’d never be whole again. He woke up, worked, met friends for a drink a couple of times a month, worked out, and bedded beautiful women he had no intention of creating meaningful relationships with. He went through the motions like eating food without tasting the flavor.
“Would you be okay with sex from me and not much else?” he asked. A part of him hated himself for even suggesting it, or agreeing to her suggestion. But the other part longed for her answer, as he took one step closer, his pulse spiking. “With me tying you up?”
