Page 131 of Consort's Glory
Margot stiffened, but otherwise didn’t seem troubled by it. When he touched their bond, he found her emotions muted, as if she had retreated somewhere so deep inside herself that not even the pain of having a sigil removed could reach her. She’d once called it her Healer Zone and had described it as a sort of flow state, where she could turn all her focus away from her own body. It was a useful tool when you were using every ounce of your ability to save the life of another – or when you needed to hide from pain.
And yet, even in that faraway place, Theodore felt her connection to him.
I’m here, he told her, his inner voice echoing deep into that placid part of her. Squeeze my hands as hard as you want. And don’t be afraid to cry if you need to.
You know I hate crying, she replied.
Even her inner voice was a little farther away than normal. That worried him, but he tried not to let it leak into the bond. Another thing he’d learned in the months they’d been married was that Margot was an excellent compartmentalizer. When she couldn’t handle something, she merely set it aside, or retreated from it until she could better deal with it. She claimed it came from her training as a healer, but Theodore suspected it had a lot more to do with her upbringing.
Coming to grips with what her family had done to her — both sides of them, witch and elvish — was one of those things she had neatly compartmentalized. She had to, growing up as she did. Squirreling away the other, unacceptable and dangerous half of herself was the only way to survive.
While Theodore wanted nothing more than to cut the family who’d done that to her out of her life completely, Margot had only just begun to wake up to her own anger, her own sense of vicious injustice. It was as if she couldn’t face the enormity of it head on. Instead, she could only look at it in pieces — her anger coming in small flare ups and flashes, one realization bubbling up into another, faster and faster.
He tried to be understanding. He even made nice with the Goodes when she asked it of him, but Theodore knew the reckoning was on the horizon. One day, Margot would wake up and have to deal with all the wrongs Sophie and her inner circle had done to her. He vacillated between hoping it would come soon and dreading its arrival.
Theodore knew that when she finally accepted her anger, the weight of so much wrong, it would crush her.
His wife, his incredible consort, had built her entire identity around her Coven pride. Asking her to face so much betrayal and neglect from the people she’d worshipped and strove to please for so long was no easy task.
All he could do was be there for her whenever she took a step in that direction. The day she felt ready to face the weight of her trauma, he would be there, too.
Theodore knelt before her and brought their joined hands up to his lips. He kissed the delicate line of her knuckles and tried not to breathe through his nose as the smell of burning skin grew more pungent. Magic hummed in the air, thick and cloying.
I bet you are going to have the cutest little ears, he told her, attempting to distract them both. The prettiest little points. I’m going to love seeing them every day.
Margot’s expression didn’t change, but he felt her wince when Fara leaned forward, using more pressure to uproot the sigil from her skin. Her inner voice was strained when she answered, I can’t even imagine what they’ll look like. I never considered finding out until I met you.
I think they’re going to look like a newborn’s ears.
Oh?
Yes, he replied, hoping she couldn’t read how sick he felt at the sight of her pain, the smell of it. I think they’re not going to be very pointed, not like mine. Maybe with a cute little roll at the tip. They’ll be cute.
Margot’s eyes moved across his face, looking for something. What if they’re not?
Impossible. Everything about you is beautiful, Margot.
She squeezed his fingers. When we have kids, do you think they’ll get your ears or mine?
Theodore shifted closer, his heart beating fast. They hadn’t talked about children yet. Not that they didn’t want any, but rather that there just hadn’t been any time to sit down and have the conversation. Between the upheaval created by their wedding, his duties as sovereign, and her new job as a junior healer, it simply hadn’t come up.
I think they’ll probably have my big, ugly ears, he answered, strangely breathless. His chest ached at the thought of being blessed with her children. Not yet. Not when they were so young and their lives so in flux, but eventually. Hopefully they get your coloring. Our colors would clash, I think, if they took too much from both of us. Why do you ask?
I’ve just been thinking about babies lately.
The response might have sent his alarm bells ringing, if there wasn’t a note of pure sorrow in it. Theodore swallowed. What have you been thinking about, my love?
Margot’s eyes drifted down to her lap. I guess I just… with the procedure coming up, I’ve been thinking a lot about my parents. About why they did what they did. Why Sophie raised me like she did. I know they all had reasons that made sense to them, but… I’ve been trying to wrap my head around the idea that someone could leave their baby, and then that they could do this to them. I wouldn’t be able to do it.
If you thought it might save your child’s life, I think you would, he replied, picking his words carefully.
Theodore didn’t like coming to the defense of the du Soleils and the Goodes, but he knew the road Margot walked could very easily lead to blaming herself for what was done to her. Reminding her that there were reasons for her treatment didn’t absolve them of guilt. It merely reinforced the fact that none of it was her fault.
But you will never have to make that choice, he told her. When we choose to have children, we won’t make the mistakes our parents made. He smiled wryly. It shouldn’t be hard to do better. They set the bar on the floor.
Margot’s eyes, the stunning topaz he’d mistaken for copper, misted. When Fara leaned in closer, pushing her head down at an awkward angle, she barely seemed to notice. The stench of burning skin got worse.
I never thought I’d get to be a mother, she told him. In her way, it was a simple, direct statement, but one so laden with unspoken pain, it shattered him all over again. I never thought I’d get the chance to meet someone who could keep my secret, and then I didn’t think I’d have the time. But now the whole world is open for me and things I never thought were possible are happening. I can’t… I can’t process it all.
