Page 64 of The Birthday List (Maysen Jar 1)

I grinned. “I thought you’d like that one.”

“Ha! Pull a fire alarm. I always wanted to do that too.”

“Well, we can do it together. You can be my cellmate when they throw me in jail.”

“If we get caught.”

As his eyes brightened, page after page, I chastised myself again for not sharing earlier. The birthday list was helping me deal with Jamie’s loss. Maybe it could help his family too.

“Do you think I should ask Kyle and Debbie if they’d like to see the list?”

Jimmy thought about it for a moment, then shook his head. “I had a long talk with Kyle after our lunch last month.”

I tensed as he closed the journal and handed it back, then removed his glasses.

“I told him that you think they blame you for Jamie’s death.”

My frame deflated as I whispered, “I know they do.”

“No, they don’t.” He leaned forward to speak softly. “But they do have a hard time being around you. When they see you, they expect to see Jamie right by your side. You two never went anywhere without the other. It’s hard for them to see that missing piece.”

I nodded but my heart was aching. I knew they had a hard time seeing me, but I wished that instead of finding pain in my face, they had found love. Maybe even some comfort.

“It’s hard for me too. I feel that missing piece every day, but that hasn’t stopped me from wanting to have them in my life.”

“I’m not saying they’re right. I’m just trying to explain. Kyle and Debbie might not ever be able to move on, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay in the past. Deep down, they want you to be happy. To live a happy life. And for your own sanity, that might mean letting them go.”

I sniffled, swallowing the lump in my throat before I could cry.

Jimmy got up from his chair and sat next to me on the couch, putting an arm around my shoulders. “They love you, Poppy.”

Did they? If you loved someone, did you let a tragic experience drive you apart? Years ago, I’d believed that love prevailed above all. But now, I was learning that even love wasn’t strong enough to mend some wounds.

I leaned my head on Jimmy’s shoulder as I blinked away a tear. “It’s not fair. I just miss them.”

“I know. But you’ve still got me.”

“Promise?”

He crossed his heart, just like I always did before making a promise. “Promise.”

We sat together for a few moments, leaning on one another, until a grumble came from the hall.

“I see you’re watching without me, asshole.”

Jimmy scoffed. “Don’t call me an asshole, asshole. I’m paying for the goddamn HBO, you leach. If you want to watch on your schedule, then you can shell out the cash.”

I broke away from Jimmy and leaned forward, peering around him at his visitor. I gaped at the man walking into Jimmy’s room. “Randall?”

“Huh,” he muttered, then sat in Jimmy’s recliner. “What are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here?” My hand waved back and forth between us. “What are you doing here?”

“I live here, stuck next door to this asshole.” He jerked his thumb at Jimmy. “I don’t care how far you watched, we’re starting this episode over.”

“Fine,” Jimmy grumbled. “But you’re not drinking all of my Mountain Dew like last week. You get one can. One.”

I guess I wasn’t the only Maysen limiting Randall’s sugar intake.