Page 60 of Damiano De Luca (The Five Syndicates)
Damian: I need you to admit that we’re happening. When the meeting’s done, we’re going to talk. We’ll lay everything out. No more lies. No more miscommunication. No more fear.
Renata: I’m not scared.
Damian: That’s what you got from that?
She didn’t respond, and I could picture her muttering what I used to hear her say to herself when she thought she was alone, “Don’t be weak. You’re a Vitali. Vitalis don’t feel fear.” I’d never learned what she was so afraid of. Squeezing the truth out of Ren was like trying to squeeze the last of the shampoo out of the bottle. It was damned near impossible, and I’d be lucky to get a drop.
“What are you afraid of?”
My question must have taken Cris by surprise, because he was more flustered than I’d seen him in a while. I’d expected a half-assed answer, but instead, he stared me dead in the eye and said, “I’m afraid that something will happen to the De Luca family, and the whole entire town of Devils Ridge and all the other families and cities that depend on De Luca income will get hurt. I don’t need to tell you that these are real lives at stake. Men, women, and children whose lives depend on the decisions we make each day.”
His fears mirrored mine. I knew I’d asked for the De Luca syndicate, but the responsibilities could be crippling. The only reason I’d taken the job was because Angelo hadn’t deserved it and no one else could do it. I wanted the De Luca name to thrive, so everyone who depended on it could thrive. Truly.
Cris held nothing back as he continued. “This meeting can do a lot for our syndicate. You’re my best friend, which is the only reason I’m telling you this. I’m the only person who can say this without repercussions, and I don’t take that lightly. When you go into the meeting in an hour, we need you to have your head on straight. No distractions. You know how many lives depend on you. You’ve never been like this with any other woman.”
He was right.
Fuck, he was so right.
He shook his head. “I don’t know what’s so different about this girl that always gets you like this.”
The difference was, I didn’t love other women.
I loved Renata Vitali.
Reality is easy. It’s the deception that’s the hard work.
Lauryn Hill
I didn’t know how Damian had spent the last two hours, but he was here now, and no one but me seemed happy about it. Actually, I wasn’t sure I was even happy about it. There was a word for people like me.
Commitment-phobe.
Every relationship I’d ever been around had ended in failure. Papà always cheated on Maman. Maman still loved a dead man she’d never really had a real relationship with. Rumors floated around about suspicious circumstances after Damian’s mom’s death. (I still had no clue how he could even consider a relationship given the fact that so many thought his dad had killed his mom.) My relationship with Damian ended on my lie, and I’d blamed it on his lie.
Relationships didn’t work, and I was comfortable admitting that. After ten years of trying to get over Damian, I knew getting back into a relationship with him wouldn’t end well. Didn’t mean I couldn’t still care for him or enjoy what he could do for me physically.
I’d just gotten off the phone with Maman, who reminded me yet again to drop my walls, only this time, I found myself actually considering it despite my commitment phobia. The heavy glossed walnut of the long table rubbed at my elbows as I waited for people to get over Damian being here.
When things settled, I cleared my throat, opened the book, and began the proceedings. “We reconvene here today for a second round of peace negotiations in respect for Vincent Romano’s death. If any syndicate opposes, you may do so now.”
I started again after a long bit of silence. “The second roundtable proceeding exists as an opportunity for renegotiations and a reminder to respect Vincent Romano in his passing. In a moment, I will open up the discussion, starting with the… De Luca family.”
A moment of outrage spread across the table. I cleared my throat and cut a glare across to every leader in the room. My face said, “bite me,” and theirs said, “I’d love to.” Still, I stared them down, wondering how I couldn’t wrangle up an ounce of fear when taking on some of the most powerful men in this country but felt so much anxiety at the idea of having a physical relationship with Damian, which I knew could lead to more.
The transcriber had stilled, along with the rest of the room. They were outraged by the favoritism, and they were right to be. But that didn’t mean I’d take their shit.
I turned to Damian, and he held nothing back in his gaze. “What would the De Luca family like to request?”
He stared at me—really stared at
me. A look of indecision and regret crossed his hardened face before it relaxed, and he said, “The De Luca family declines to put forth an agenda in respect for Vincent Romano’s passing.”
Everyone here would have to pass on negotiations or risk being outclassed by the De Luca syndicate. Marco Camerino’s pissed off expression didn’t lessen. Rafaello Rossi looked uneasy. The Romano family looked pleased, because historically, the bereaved syndicate always came out on the losing end, and at least they’d avoid that now. Ranieri Andretti seemed indifferent, but he held the bulk of the guilt for Vince’s death in the first place. So, his feelings here were last on my list of priorities.
And Damian?
He’d given up his leverage again, even though we both knew his syndicate needed these negotiations.
