Page 61 of Devious Lies (Cruel Crown)
Subject: Exciting News
Emery,
I am writing to request your presence at brunch on the fourth of July weekend. I have happy news to share, and I would like to do it in person. The country club has reserved a table for us. I expect you to be there exactly at noon. Do not be late. I will not have you embarrassing me again.
I realize you possess an aversion to Eastridge, a weakness that has never sat well with me. It’s time you get over yourself and think about others. Your Uncle Balthazar has been dying to see you. He asks about you often.
The other women at the club whisper about your absence. It makes me look like a terrible mother. We both know I am not. You have become a stain on my reputation. You can make it up to me by showing up on time, dressed appropriately for brunch—and for goodness sake, do something about your hair.
I can have Darynda ship you a brush if the need arises, or you can simply accept poverty is as disgusting as it sounds and dip into your trust fund. I’ll allow it if you follow my conditions. Return home, find a suitable husband, and stop embarrassing me.
In case you decide to be selfish, remember I know all your secrets, Emery Rhodes. If you do not show up on the fourth, I have every intention of revealing your new name to the press. I look forward to seeing you soon.
With love,
Virginia, Chairwoman
Eastridge Junior Society
Why did anything regarding Mother make me feel like I’d been dropped off in a jungle to fend for myself, armed with a designer handbag and six-inch heels?
I scraped my teeth against my bottom lip, pretending it was food. Maybe my stomach would get the message and swallow me whole. My fingers hovered over the keyboard, wondering how to reply to the email.
The threat.
I didn’t think she would dox me, but Virginia Rhodes also wasn’t a fan of idle threats. Even if my poverty and unkempt hair embarrassed her, she would rather suffer Eastridge’s rumor mill running rampant about my new name and appearance than not have her way.
Subject: Please use lube next time you decide to fuck me in the ass…
My dearest, most-beloved Mother;
Excuse the typos. I’m finding it hard to see straight through the pain. Next time you fuck me in the ass, please consider using lube. I’ve attached a link to my Amazon wish list. On it, you will find my favorite brand of numbing lubricant. Please keep your brush and ship this to me if the need arises.
Thank you for inviting me to brunch. I have plans to stay at home and memorize the lyrics to Beyonce’s “Lemonade,” so the next time it plays, I can impress my new coworkers.
However, because you’ve been such a great inspiration in my life, I’ve decided to put my plans aside and spend the Fourth of July at the country club with you and all of Eastridge’s finest patriots.
(I heard the Mercer family managed to pay zero taxes on their fifty-million-dollar income last year. They’re living the American Dream. I aspire to be them.)
Please assure the women at the country club I will be there. We wouldn’t want you to look like a terrible mother. I’ll be wearing my black sundress with the wilting roses. Remember that one?
I wore it to Easter mass. You pulled me to the side and told me, in front of all my classmates, that even the Devil wouldn’t take me in that dress. What charming memories we share. I love walking down memory lane. Don’t you?
Speaking of memory lane, I absolutely adored our family trip to Hollywood, where you returned with two ccs of lip fillers and a new butt you swore came from hours at the gym. I feel it prudent to remind you I know many of your secrets, too… including the tummy tuck scar you’ve managed to convince the Housewives of Eastridge is from a C-section.
With so many hugs and kisses…
Your favorite daughter,
Emery
Demon Spawn
- Sent from Beyond Virginia’s Uterus
