Page 120 of Devious Lies (Cruel Crown)
Durga: Tell me what you would do if we met in person.
Benkinersophobia: You’re changing the subject.
Durga: Am I that obvious?
Benkinersophobia: Nothing about you is obvious. But I read you well, Durga, and often.
I would take that any day. Two giant wings expanded in my belly, flapping their way to my chest. They weren’t butterflies. They were powerful tsunami waves, consuming me each time I spoke with Ben.
He’s a fantasy, Emery. You will wake up one day, and he’ll be gone. Keep your distance. Save your heart. Nothing good lasts.
Like always, my warnings didn’t deter me. I typed out a reply, hoping I was B
en’s fantasy, too—a warrior princess who fought his demons beside him.
Durga: I love you.
I’d said it before.
After he’d talked me down a ledge caused by a failed finals exam.
Or when I got evicted from my apartment sophomore year, and he offered to break the rules and help me in person.
And that time I nearly caved and answered Dad’s postcard, where he told me he loved me, missed me, and would always be here to balter with me.
Probably a dozen times after, too.
Each time felt different.
This time, the declaration came from comfort. I needed him to know someone cared about him, was there for him, and would always be there for him. Because at the end of the day, that’s all any of us really need. Someone who shares their sunshine no matter the weather.
Benkinersophobia: I don’t deserve it.
Durga: Just tell me what you would do if we ever met.
Benkinersophobia: I’d say, “Hi. I like your ass. Would you like to fuck?”
Durga: Romantic.
Benkinersophobia: I thought so.
Durga: You don’t know what I look like. You may not like my ass.
Benkinersophobia: I like you, therefore I like your ass.
I never stopped smiling when I talked to Ben. I hoped, wherever he was, I made him smile, too.
Durga: Have you heard of the Maasai?
Benkinersophobia: From Africa?
Durga: Yes. About four hundred years ago, a Maasai leader had a daughter named Naserian. She dated a village elder’s son, who eventually broke her heart. Naserian’s father banished him. When he left, he took his elder father, mother, sister, uncles, aunts, and cousins.
Durga: A month later, Naserian dated another man who broke her heart. When he was banished, he took with him his father, mother, sister, uncles, aunts, and cousins. The Maasai numbers began to dwindle, which left them vulnerable.
Durga: See where I’m going here?
Benkinersophobia: The Maasai have a shit ton of family members?
