Page 34 of Love Me (Touch of Death 3)
Neither of us speaks, she simply presses her font to my back and rests her forehead against the base of my neck. Warm breaths rush over my skin, and goose bumps rise in response. I hate being touched. It drives my more violent instincts. Except with her. Her touch feels like serenity in the center of chaos, a safe harbor in a hurricane. I have tried to hate her. I have attempted to cast her from my mind, but she is a gaping wound in my chest that simply will not heal, until these moments, when she touches me, when I think that maybe, just maybe, this can be our reality. She’s both my anguish and my medicine.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers against my skin.
She’s said the words before, but as she clings to me now, I hear the sincerity in her breaking voice.
“I know. But I can’t do this with you, malyshka. You belong to another,” I say into the darkness, hating the words as they slip from my mouth.
She doesn’t say anything for long moments, simply placing her palm flush over my heart.
“A ring does not make me his.”
I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling, and her hand remains on my chest. “What do you want me to say?”
“That you won’t let him have me.” Her voice breaks. “Please, Sasha. I…” A sob hitches in her throat. “I can’t go back there. The things he’ll do to me…”
My hand instinctively reaches for her, threading through her hair and pulling her into my shoulder. Images flash through my mind, and my teeth grit as I swallow heavily. “Did he…?” I swallow again, unable to form the words on my tongue, but the twisted self-torturing side of my mind needs to know. “Did he rape you, Adelina?”
A trembling breath slips past her lips, though she says nothing. She’s physically shaking.
“Malyshka?” I roll onto my side and gently grip her chin, forcing her to look at me, though I can only make out her silhouette in the darkness.
“You know he did,” she whispers.
My fingers slide through her hair, and I pull her close. Pressing my lips to her forehead, I inhale the scent of her shampoo, sweet and fruity. I trust myself not to lose my temper while holding her, but I want to break things. I knew she would sleep with him to get close. I thought she would be semi-willing, but she’s terrified of him. My imagination conjures gruesome scenes until a rage unlike anything I’ve ever felt consumes me.
I squeeze my eyes shut, fighting the urge to simply protect her. She made this choice, chose Enrique, even when I begged her not to. I should leave her to her fate, but I know I can’t, and I won’t. I’m not sure why I ever fought this. It was always inevitable.
“You have my heart, Sasha. You know that. Please, please don’t let him take me,” she begs.
Her chin tilts up, lips brushing over mine. She slowly unravels me, thread by precious thread, until I’m falling apart. I kiss her back, trying with everything I have to leash my rage and handle her gently. My heart thumps erratically in my chest as her warm breaths caress my lips.
“I don’t have much of a heart, malyshka, but whatever I possess, I’ve given you already.”
Her lips collide with mine, harder this time, more desperate. All rational thought is snuffed out by this need that she brings out in me. I both love and resent her because she always seems to pull me back in, no matter how much I try to get out.
Her hand slides from my chest, nails trailing over my stomach until I’m tensing under her touch. Then her palm slides over my crotch, which is currently rock-solid. On a sharp breath, I grab her wrist and snatch her hand away.
“No.”
Her hurt expression stares back at me. “I told you, I can’t do this with you, not now. Not while you’re someone’s wife.”
“On paper—”
“Until he’s dead…” Until he’s dead, she could always go back to him, and I won’t cross that line with her again. Not until I know she’s mine. This is all I have left, my only slither of dignity.
“What would you do if you could walk away from all this?”
She ducks her chin, gnawing her bottom lip. “I don’t know.”
“Before any of this, you were studying, living a normal life. You could have that again.”
Her eyes meet mine. “Could I? It’s like I was living this blinkered lie before. I knew what my father did, but I was never involved. How do you just turn your back on this and go back to normal? Could you live a normal life, Sasha?”
I sigh. “It’s different. I’ve never known anything outside of this. And…I lack the skills to integrate into normal society.”
