Page 43 of Brendan (The Doherty Mafia)
There was nothing she could tell me that would convince me otherwise. Davey was my son. He was a Doherty. It was a fact.
And I had no idea how to be a father.
I backed away from the bed slowly, almost like there was some kind of invisible G-force surrounding Davey that pushed me backwards. I couldn’t be near him. The idea that I had a son. A living, breathing, talking, laughing child who had my genes inside him was crazy.
Wasn’t my life simpler the way it was before I met Rosalie and Davey?
I didn’t have any liabilities. I didn’t have responsibilities. I had carefully constructed my life to be one without children. What was the point of changing that now?
Clearly, Rosalie knew what she was doing when she decided she would keep me out of it. We were better off that way. I had to hand it to her for being a smart chick. A good mother.
“I’m sorry, kiddo,” I whispered as I shut the door behind me.
If that was the last time I saw my son, he would be better off.
Twenty-Three
Rosalie
I woke up and immediately reached for Brendan in bed. I yearned for his warmth and strength. When I opened my eyes, I saw he wasn’t there. Was he making breakfast for us?
It brought a smile to my face—the thought that he could be in my kitchen right then, cooking up a storm. It was exactly what Davey would have wanted. To have breakfast with his new favorite person.
And I knew it was too soon, but I had gotten used to the idea of having Brendan around. Of us spending more time as a family together.
I had panicked the previous night when he told me about what happened to his brother, and how he took all the responsibility on his own shoulders and blamed himself for years.
I wasn’t sure if Brendan would be ready for the responsibility of being a father. I still wasn’t convinced he would be…but would it be so bad if we tried?
What if Brendan stuck around for a while? If Davey and he grew close and I finally mustered up the courage to tell him the truth?
Maybe all we needed was just some time, and when it was right—I would tell him. I didn’t want to fight that feeling anymore. The feeling of wanting him and needing him, of being so happy to see him and Davey together.
Maybe my mom was right and I was the one who was wrong about Brendan. Maybe he would make a great dad. What did I know about great dads and how to spot them?
I put on my clothes in a hurry. I was excited to go to the kitchen and see him. For him to pull me into his arms and kiss me.
I didn’t even care anymore if Davey saw us. No man had been a part of our lives yet, but it was time that changed.
I had no right to keep father and son apart.
When I rushed out of the room and searched the apartment, Brendan was nowhere to be found. He’d left already.
Then I searched the place for a note but there wasn’t one. Not even one with his phone number.
The realization hit me that I had no way of getting in contact with Brendan. I didn’t know his number, where he lived or worked. Even though we had spent the past few days together, I still knew fuck-all about him.
“Mommy?” Davey came out of his room, dragging his teddy bear with him.
“Good morning, honey,” I said, trying to sound chirpy. I wasn’t sure what to make of Brendan’s disappearance. It was possible he just needed to leave for work, or something came up.
Or he had done a runner, just like he did the first night we met.
Had I been a damned fool for trusting him?
“Where’s Brendan?” Davey asked. I could have slapped myself for involving my son. I should have kept him away.
The facts still remained unchanged. Davey didn’t have a father.
Maybe Davey could sense my bad mood. He was snappy with me from the moment he found out Brendan was gone.
I tried to make up an excuse about how he was busy and had to go to work, but Davey insisted that Brendan had told him they were going to spend the day together.
Brendan may or may not have said that. Davey was three and his imagination ran wild. I only wished I had the energy and the mental capacity to handle it right after I realized Brendan had abandoned us.
It was a struggle getting Davey to brush his teeth. We had a battle while I tried to get him dressed. He said he didn’t want any of the breakfast options I offered him. He refused to leave the kitchen and walk out of the apartment with me.
