Page 41 of Brendan (The Doherty Mafia)
He glanced at me and shook his head.
“Yeah, that happened,” he said bitterly.
I reached for his arm, stroking him gently.
“Brendan, I’m so sorry. That couldn’t have been easy.”
Was that why he was so worried about keeping me safe? Because he felt like he hadn’t been able to protect his mother from being murdered?
“Anyway, that fucked me up in a whole different way. We could talk all night about it. But something else happened a year later…something I was responsible for.”
I couldn’t say anything. I just waited for him to continue with his story. I was curious and at the same time, I felt sorry for him. It was pretty obvious that he had suffered a deep emotional wound.
“Our family was catapulted into a war with the people who were responsible for the murder of my mother. It was related to…our family’s business.”
My brows furrowed. So the rumors were true? His family was involved in business that was on the wrong side of the law?
Brendan’s face had turned stony and dark. Like he was doing his best to keep his emotions in check. He just wanted to go on with the story.
“While the rest of my family was involved in avenging her death, I was made responsible for making sure my brothers were safe. My younger brothers, Tristian and Nolan. They were very young. Too young to understand what was going on.”
I listened with rapt attention, and had no idea what he was going to say next. Everything Brendan spoke about sounded like it belonged to a completely different world from mine.
“But I hadn’t been able to keep them safe. Tristian was kidnapped. By the same people who killed our mother.”
I gasped again.
And hated myself for it.
My reaction to the story only made it worse for Brendan. Clearly, he blamed himself enough for it already.
“They found him a day later, my father made sure nobody would get away with kidnapping one of his sons. Tristian doesn’t even seem to remember it. At least he doesn’t admit it to me. He was unharmed and brought back safe, but I have never been able to forgive myself for letting it happen.” Brendan rambled on. There was a dangerous fire in his eyes and it was clear to me that his thoughts were all over the place.
I needed to snap him out of it.
“How old were you when this happened?” I asked.
“Twelve,” he replied, looking up at me.
“So you were a kid yourself, Brendan. It was not your fault.”
It didn’t seem like Brendan believed me when I said it wasn’t his fault. He glared at me like he thought I was lying. I could see he had spent years beating himself up about it.
“I’m sure you don’t want to discuss the details of the incident with me…” I said.
“I don’t.”
“But…I’m sure there was very little you could have done to stop your brother from being kidnapped, as a twelve year old yourself.”
He sat up in my bed with his face hardened and tough.
“I should have kept him safe, like I was supposed to.”
“I’m sorry it happened to you and your family, but you can’t keep blaming yourself for it,” I tried.
He breathed in deeply and I inched closer to him.
“You are a strong man. You are a man nobody would ever mess with. I feel safe with you, Brendan. Don’t you see that?” I whispered.
He reached for my waist and pulled me closer to him with a grunt.
“But the difference is that you’re a man now. You are an adult man who can take care of himself and the people around him. You were a kid back then. There was no way you could have protected your brother from stronger adult men. What happened was not your fault, and your brother came back safe.”
“I don’t think I know how to look after kids. I don’t think I can look after kids,” he continued, but this time his voice wavered. It was broken.
My heart was breaking too.
Now I was even more sure that I couldn’t tell him about Davey. There was no telling how Brendan would react if he found out he had a son. That he would be responsible for a kid…as a parent.
I didn’t think he would be able to handle that kind of pressure. I didn’t think he would want to.
“You’ve almost convinced me,” he said, leaning towards me.
I fell back softly in the bed and he covered me with his body, kissing my neck, making his way down to my belly, then my legs.
I closed my eyes, trying not to lose myself in the sensations of pleasure he sent shooting up and down my body.
I wasn’t lying when I said I felt safe with him. I did.
He had no idea how happy I was to see him tonight after what happened. Even Davey was happy. Even Davey felt safe with him.
