Page 33 of Brendan (The Doherty Mafia)
“You should be. I didn’t want you making any parenting decisions for me, but you forced my hand. And now Davey likes you.”
Was that such a bad thing?
She turned and started walking away, so I followed her. I didn’t know where she was headed but I wanted a few more minutes with her.
I didn’t know why it was so difficult for me to just let go of her.
“Yeah, I get it. You kicked me out so I didn’t want to stick around. I didn’t know how long it was going to take with your family,” I said. It wasn’t a complete lie. Her attitude in the morning had pissed me off.
Rosalie kept walking, like she hoped I would stop following her at some point.
“You didn’t even try to be discreet while leaving my apartment. You made it a point to come and introduce yourself to my family. So, no, I don’t buy that.”
I grabbed her arm and forcibly spun her around. We were on a busy sidewalk and people pushed into us. Rosalie glared at me.
“Okay, yeah, I wanted to meet them. I don’t like being treated as someone who needs to be hidden from view.”
“It’s complicated for me, okay? I’m protecting my son.”
“What the fuck are you protecting him from? You think he needs protecting from me? What do you think I’m going to do to him?” I could feel my veins pumping adrenaline.
This conversation wasn’t helping me. I didn’t trust myself with kids. I didn’t trust myself to keep them safe from harm, to look after them the way they needed to be looked after. So if Rosalie didn’t trust me around her son…
She stared at me, probably watching the way my face changed. I thought she would slap me or run away. But all of a sudden, she seemed to calm down. Her shoulders relaxed, she forced the lump down her throat, taking in a deep breath.
“I never knew my father. He left us when I was a kid, so I guess…I guess I have abandonment issues,” she said.
Davey said he wanted to see me. I didn’t know what Rosalie wanted me to say when Davey asked if I’d be there after school. I didn’t want to disappoint him, and I didn’t want to piss off his mother. I’d never been in this position before—I never let myself be.
Rosalie and I had to walk some distance to get away from the bustling New York sidewalks now. I was glad that she at least decided she still wanted to speak to me.
But Rosalie wouldn’t look me in the eye. It was like she was embarrassed of her past. If only she knew about mine, but I wasn’t ready to tell her.
I wasn’t ready to tell anyone. It deserved to be buried. That’s what I did, using sex and alcohol.
“My mom raised me herself. As a single parent. It was a struggle. I remember feeling abandoned when I was growing up. I remember feeling unwanted and unsafe because I didn’t have a father. I yearned for his presence. I felt like I was missing a part of myself.” She stared out at the busy honking streets as we stood at a shop front.
Her nose was red, probably from the cold. I took off my jacket and put it around her shoulders. She looked at me then, surprised by my gesture.
How much of a dick did she think I was?
“He didn’t deserve you as a kid if that’s what he did to his family,” I said.
Rosalie looked at me, her lips pressed together tightly.
“I don’t know what his reasons for leaving were, I guess he just didn’t want to be a dad.”
“Did your Mom remarry?” I asked.
She shook her head. “But she was in and out of relationships. I mean, I can’t blame her now. I know firsthand how hard it is to raise a child all by yourself. But I resented her back then, and all the men that entered our life.”
I now knew why she was so protective of Davey. Why she didn’t want that kid to see me. She didn’t want her son experiencing the feelings she experienced as a child.
Rosalie toughened up again. She had allowed herself a few minutes to open herself up to me but now it was gone.
“So I’m not going to allow Davey to feel abandoned by a guy he gets attached to just because I’ve been sleeping around.”
I clenched my jaws tightly.
“Davey would appreciate some honesty from you, wouldn’t he?” I asked.
Rosalie shoved the jacket off her shoulders and held it out at me.
“I have to get to work.”
I watched her hurry away from me. I wasn’t sure if she found me irresistible or she hated my guts because of it. Rosalie was right, she was complicated. And for some reason, I wanted to untangle her.
