Page 44 of Be My Vengeance

I was confused by the sudden one-eighty the conversation had just taken, but there had to be a reason behind it. “Okay, want to tell me about it?”

He snorted. “Yeah, I’m about to.”

I chuckled and motioned for him to continue.

“It was a conversation I had with Mila the day of our engagement party. I hadn’t thought much about it at the time or even afterward. But I suspect your admission is what brought it up from my subconscious.”

“Our brains are fucked up like that.”

He huffed out a laugh. “Sure are. Anyway. That day Mila and I were in the kitchen, and she’d always had this ongoing joke that I was hot for Gideon.”

I laughed. “Yeah, I remember her joking about that once.”

“Right, so I was teasing her, and then she said she thought you had feelings for me.”

My eyes widened. If Mila could see it, everyone likely did.

“I told her you cared about me like a brother…but I’m guessing now that she was right?”

“How…” I cleared my throat when it became hard to speak. “How’d she know?”

“That woman seemed to always know things.” He smiled sadly. “But I didn’t have the hots for Gideon, ever.”

We were quiet for a minute before I spoke again. “I know you’re straight, Alex, and I respect the hell out of you. If I could take it back and return to how we were before, I would.”

“Danny, if I could go to the past, I’d change a lot. Mila always used to tell me that nothing happens by accident; it’s all for a greater purpose.”

“And you think me confessing my feelings for you is for a greater purpose?”

“I’m just saying that I’m glad you told me, even if you didn’t intend to.”

Unsure of what to say, I took a big swig of my beer. It still felt awkward. I didn’t want Alex ever feeling uncomfortable around me. I’d reconciled long ago that my feelings for him were one-sided and had never expected him to ever find out or reciprocate. I’d had years to let that settle in my heart and mind. This was new for him. On top of grieving the death of his wife, now he had unwanted feelings from his best friend.

“Whatever chaos you have going on inside that brain of yours, tell it to shut up.” He smirked and sipped his beer.

“You’re just okay with this?”

He shrugged. “I’m not some phobic asshole, Danny. You know that.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Danny.” He sighed. “I’ve spent this last year stuck between wishing I had more time with Mila and wishing I’d never met her because loving her was the best feeling in the world, and losing her was the worst. But I can’t not love her. We don’t get a say in matters of the heart.”

“That’s profound…and a bit mushy, Alex. How many beers did you have before I got here?”

“Fuck off.” He chuckled.

We finished our beers, and all the while Alex was eyeing me. “What?”

“Nothing just…”

I raised a brow. “Go on, say it.”

He started fidgeting with his bottle. “When did you realize that you, you know, loved me and shit?”

“Oh, my God. Are we really going to do this?”

He held a hand up. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”