Page 39 of Half Agony, Half Hope

Corvus’ smile lit up at her enthusiasm, and he pulled her in close to transport them. They reappeared near a lake that was so far into the Winterbourne land, the manor wasn’t even visible. Every time Pearl had come to the manor, she’d craned her neck as far as she could trying to find the lake, not knowing how futile her efforts were. It was like a little slice of paradise. Gentle grass was blowing in the field around them with a perfect shade tree right on the bank of the lake. Quaint wrought iron lamps dotted the shoreline, and Corvus had brought them to a sturdy dock that stretched into the water.

“I came here often when I needed to escape from my parents and their expectations, and it’s the closest I’ve ever come to feeling what I feel in your home.”

Pearl didn’t have time to respond to Corvus’ admission before he let out a loud whistle. Something began cutting through the water and burst out in a beautiful jump through the air. Pearl had thought when she saw a hippocampus for the first time her mind would have a hard time reconciling a being that was half horse, half fish, but the gorgeous animal couldn't have looked more beautiful or more natural. The transition from the strength of her equine front half to the smooth fish tail was seamless, and when the hippocampus placed her front hooves on the dock and whinnied, it took Pearl’s breath away. The sea creature was an indescribable color. As soon as Pearl thought she could name the color, it seemed to shift to something else like a translucent pearl. She could only imagine how much her scales would shimmer in the sun. Corvus was greeting her like an old friend, and Pearl almost told him he should have led with this when he was on his forgiveness tour. He’d fulfilled one of her childhood dreams of meeting a hippocampus, and she wasn’t sure he’d ever looked more handsome than when he was scratching under his hippocampus’ forelock and looking up at her with his dimples in full view.

Waving his hand to draw Pearl closer, Corvus introduced her to Cassiopeia and gave suggestions on where she preferred to be petted. Mercutio, never one to be shy, pressed his small nose against Cassiopeia's, and she let out a gentle chuff - intrigued by the small creature. Mercutio barked playfully in response, and Cassiopeia’s attention turned to Corvus as she attempted to put her nose into his pockets. Finding the pockets empty of treats for her, she didn’t linger long, and left with a splash that soaked both of them.

Laughing together, Corvus chivalrously dried both of them with a flash of magic. “I should have been better equipped for this visit. If I bring treats that please her enough, she might be willing to take you for a short swim around the lake. There’s truly nothing like it.”

Pearl couldn’t hold back the comment this time. “Corvus, you should have taken me here on the first day! Offering me a ride on a hippocampus might have even earned you more brownie points than The Book of the Lion!”

Corvus’ look turned sheepish. “I hope I don’t sound too spoiled if I say that sometimes I forget just how magical she really is - both literally and figuratively. It wasn’t until you mentioned the hippocampus lake tonight that it jogged my memory that you’d mentioned wanting to meet Cassiopeia years ago. Please feel free to come and visit her anytime you like, and I’ll have the head groom prepare some treats for you.”

It was a lovely offer, and Pearl said as much, but then surprised herself by saying “But really, I’d like to come here with you.”

Corvus’ answering smile was more rueful than Pearl had expected, but his response was warm. “I’d like that very much. For tonight, could I convince you to come back to the manor for some tea?” The question was hesitant, and the joy on his face when she accepted told her he hadn’t been expecting a yes. Corvus very graciously acquiesced to Pearl’s request that they walk rather than transport. She claimed that she wanted to get the lay of the land, but mostly she just wanted to continue enjoying this perfect night. The moon was high and bright, the weather was perfect, and she held Corvus’ hand the entire way.

Tea was hot and waiting for them when they entered the library. They didn’t use the chairs as though sitting would place too much distance between them, and Pearl could feel an electric charge crackling between them. Nervously, Pearl teased Corvus about sequestering her in the library. But he answered her with grave seriousness and leaned in closer. “I am not ashamed of you Pearl. There’s nowhere in this house you’re not allowed, I just thought you’d be most comfortable here. It would be an honor to be seen with you here or anywhere. Shall I get Mavis to transport us to the top of Saint Paul’s so I can declare to the world how lucky I am to get to spend time with you?”

Pleased, Pearl said that wouldn’t be necessary, but that she was expecting him to fulfill a more recent promise to take her to the Louvre.

Eyes crinkling, Corvus asked where else she would like for him to take her, and as she was going through her list, a shiver ran through her in spite of the tea. Corvus took her hand, and infused a warming charm over her. He pulled back almost immediately as though it had been an impertinence, but Pearl grabbed his hand before he could fully escape.

Pearl smiled softly at Corvus. “You know I’m still pretty lousy at warming charms.”

“Well, you can’t be perfect at everything if only to give the rest of us some chance of impressing you.” There was a twinkle in Corvus’ eye as he looked at their joined hands.

A warmth that had nothing to do with a charm spread through her body, and she pulled Corvus closer to her as she said “Can you still make your ears pointy?”

Corvus’ eyes were fixed on her lips, and he said distractedly, “What, love?”

“I said…” Pearl went to repeat herself, but Corvus’ hands were in her hair and she couldn’t string together a full sentence. Her own hands were drifting up his back, and when they slipped under his shirt, he shivered against her.

Corvus pulled away abruptly, and having his body heat removed from hers felt like a band-aid had been ripped off, leaving her cold and exposed. His chest rose and fell unsteadily as he tried to take deep breaths. Looking down at his hands as though they might hold answers, Corvus spoke with difficulty. “Pearl, I…want to respect that you want to be friends, but when you touch me like that…” he cleared his throat and looked at her with eyes filled with want, and it snapped whatever was left of her self control.

Pearl’s mouth was on his before she could let herself think because if she thought about it too much, she’d stop. And she very much did not want to stop. She’d been dying to run her hands through his longer hair since the moment she saw his beautiful, stupid face for the first time after so many years. She’d been dying to do a lot of things. Like see if his lips were as soft as she remembered. Feel all the places he’d filled out since he’d grown into a man. See if he still let out a gentle sigh when she kissed his neck right where it met his shoulder. Corvus’ hands were just as greedy as hers. Her hair was going to be wild after the exploration he was making through her waves, and Pearl couldn’t bring herself to care. Corvus was ravenous, and Pearl soon found herself backed up against one of the central tables where she had been leaving her reference books and safety gear. Corvus had a very different purpose in mind for this table - he lifted her up and placed her with surprising gentleness on the table, and stepped between her legs. It just made sense to wrap her legs around him, and the groan that pulled from him was more satisfying than she cared to admit. Grabbing Pearl’s butt, Corvus hungrily pulled her closer, and he’d have no dissent from her. She couldn’t get close enough. She just wanted more, more, more before it all went away, before this magical night ended and Pearl had to think about things like consequences and trust and the past. Pearl’s hands touched Corvus’ stomach under his shirt, and she could feel his muscles contract deliciously as she continued her exploration. His hands were bracketing her face, and his lips were just as soft and wonderful as she remembered.

She was contemplating if she could rip open his shirt without feeling like she’d stumbled out of a Harlequin novel when she felt something wet on her face. Pulling back, Pearl found tears streaming down Corvus’ face. But rather than sadness, his face was shining with joy. Long fingers rested lightly on her face, and she could feel a slight tremble in them. “I love you, Pearl. I’ve always loved you. Please say you’ll believe me.”

Pulling away like she’d been slapped, Pearl almost banged against one of the finely wrought lamps in the middle of the table before strong hands pulled her back. “Let go of me, Corvus.” It was worse than a plunge in ice water.

Releasing her immediately as though he’d been stung, Corvus’ eyes flew wide in shock, and he wiped his tears away quickly. “I’m sorry. I know I’m coming on a bit strong. I just thought…I just thought that since you kissed me it meant you wanted more than friendship.”

“I just wanted to kiss you. How did we go from kissing to love? I didn’t ask for your love declarations, nor do I want them.” Pearl’s voice sounded harsh in her ears, and she felt no compulsion to pull the words back even as she saw Corvus attempt to keep his emotions close to his chest with little success. A sound of immense frustration tore its way out of her throat. “Why, Corvus? Why couldn’t we just have enjoyed ourselves? Why do you have to ask more of me? You don’t get to have those parts of me anymore. You broke something that can’t ever be fixed. I thought maybe it could be. I wanted to give it another go - I thought maybe if I gave it enough time, but I can’t allow myself to believe you love me because the last time I did that, you broke me. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this again.”

A hand gently encircled her arm as she started to walk away. Pearl knew he would let go if she kept walking, but she still turned. Like maybe this time he would say just the right thing that she could believe. ”What about the library? Won’t you finish it?”

“Is that what’s most important to you now?” She replied incredulously.

Dropping her arm, Corvus scrubbed a hand over his face. “Of course not. I just want you to stay. I just…please stay. Please don’t leave. Please. I’m not sure I can bear losing you again.”

It was the wrong thing to say. “You’re not sure you can bear it? You’re not sure YOU can bear it? Am I supposed to feel sorry for you? What about what I had to bear?”

Corvus looked like he’d been punched. He sat in one of the chairs and looked at the floor. “Of course. That was horrifically callous of me.” When his eyes rose to hers again they were desperate and searching. “I promise it would be different. I promise you can trust me. Please give me one more chance.”

And as she stared into those eyes that contained the smallest glimmer of hope, her mind and her emotions warred in volatile indecision. Because she realized there was no string of words that he could put together that would make her believe him. He’d have to show her, and how could he? How could he prove he wouldn’t hurt her or leave her again? She’d have to trust him and trust his words. “I...I…” her mind whirred. But hadn’t he shown up for her time and time again over the last few months? Hadn’t he been consistent and steady and breathtakingly lovely? The two versions of Corvus were clashing together in a horrible cacophony in her head, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to reconcile them tonight. “I need more time. Words just mean so little, and I don’t know how you can prove that you would take better care of my heart this time.”

A sad smile came over Corvus’ face. “Please forgive me for pushing you. I want to give you all the time that you need. I won’t bring this up again.” Corvus moved closer to her and took one of her hands between his. “I don’t regret telling you I love you, though. Because I do. I always have. Even if I haven’t always shown it with my actions. No matter what happens, I wanted you to know that. The library will always be here no matter what you decide about me. Take as much time as you need and come back when you’re ready.”