Page 33 of Half Agony, Half Hope

Now he just needed to tell his parents. He’d planned a special dinner with them to share the news.

A smile was on Corvus’ face as he headed to the grand dining room for dinner. Realizing it when he passed one of the mirrors in the hall, he attempted to school his features into something more neutral. He was smiling a lot these days - so much so that his mother had commented on it when he was last home with a knowing look on her face. He knew the fact that Pearl made his heart sing would do little to convince his parents of why she was worthy of a Winterbourne. Rupert believed emotion based decisions were dangerous, so he had been rehearsing all afternoon his talking points to explain the rational reasons for their relationship to his father.

When Corvus glanced at his father as he walked into the dining room, Rupert’s face was blank and cold. That was to be expected, but when he glanced at his mother, she looked nervous, and she kept shifting in her seat in a way that she would have chastised him for as a child. Honestly, she’d chastise him for it now.

Sitting at his usual seat, the staff brought out the first course, and his parents asked Corvus about his studies. When his father asked if he wanted to go shooting over the Christmas break, Corvus steeled himself and began.

“Well, Father. I actually won’t be here for Christmas. I’m going to America for the holiday.”

No surprise infused his father’s face, he simply raised a single eyebrow. “And why is that, son?”

Dread gripped Corvus. Why wasn’t his father surprised? Why was his mother nervous? But he tried to stuff his fear inside and continue with his plan. “I’m going with my girlfriend. I’ve been seeing her for a few months, and she’s the most intelligent woman I’ve ever met. She is here studying for her cursebreaking mastery, and…”

Rupert cut him off. “Corvus there’s no need for you to confess your sins to us. Oswald already told us all about your little American girl and your liaison in the library.” Corvus turned to see the butler smirking in the corner. Corvus had always disliked the sycophant, but he felt that dislike harden into hate. All of Corvus’ well rehearsed plans were crumbling like week old bread. His parents had already been presented with the worst possible view of Pearl, and once his parents were entrenched, trying to dig them out of their foxholes was like fighting at the Somme. Corvus had known he’d be starting at a deficit, but this felt like he’d lost before he even began.

“She’s grasping well above her station, Corvus. You can play with the rabble, son, but it’s time to get serious.”

“Father, let me just tell you about her. If you give me a chance I can explain to you why…”

Interrupting again, Rupert stood suddenly. “I don’t need you to tell me about her. I already know all about her. You think when I have to learn from my butler that my son is seeing someone I wouldn’t learn everything there is to know to see if she’s worthy for him? I know she was reared by some backwoods family whose only magical ability appears to be birthing as many children as possible. I know she’s getting the degree you’re so proud of on a scholarship. I know she’s working a part-time job and currently has 200 pounds in her bank account because she used most of her money to pay for a plane ticket home. I know she’s like so many women before her who thought she could capture a Winterbourne and all his wealth to rescue her from her pathetic lot in life.”

Now Corvus was standing. “Father, that’s not true. I pursued her. I had to convince her to be with me. She wanted to focus on her studies.”

“Ah. And then when she had you hooked, she no longer needed her studies to make her way in the world?”

Corvus wanted to scream. “Of course not. She is highly intelligent, and she’s as dedicated as ever. If you would just…”

Rupert cut him off before he could continue. “Of course she’s dedicated. She’s trying to claw her way out of the muck, and she’ll drag you into it with her if she can’t manage it. Don’t embarrass yourself by letting this kind of fling drag on.”

“Father, you don’t understand. This isn’t a fling. I…I love her.” He winced inwardly. So much for sticking with rational arguments.

A cold, mirthless laugh escaped from his father’s throat. “And what does that matter? Do you think love will save you when she reveals who she truly is? Do you think love will save you when you disgrace your entire family? Do you think love will save you when I disown you, and the two of you don’t have a single pence to rub together? Make no mistake, Corvus. If you marry this woman, you will no longer be part of this family.” At this, Rupert straightened his coat, and a smile that didn’t meet his eyes spread across his face. Corvus assumed it was meant to be reassuring, but the effect was rather terrifying. “I have high expectations for you, son.” At this he walked to Corvus and put his hand on Corvus’ shoulder. “I know you’ll do the right thing.”

The clicking of heels signaled his mother joining the conversation. “Don’t give the poor girl false hopes, Corvus. It would be kinder to let her go now than to make her think this is anything more than a childish affair. You are so young. Trust me that there are girls much better suited to you than her in so many ways. You’ll see! I’ve loved seeing you be so happy, but would you want to sacrifice our happiness for yours? And it will be better for her in the long run. She never would have been happy in our world. She would have always felt like a field mouse among falcons. Crossing such a large barrier always leads to unhappiness for both parties. If you truly love her the way you say, you’ll prove it by letting her go.”

Rupert drew him into a stiff hug. “I’ve always been proud of you, son. This is a small mistake you can correct with a single conversation.” Corvus couldn’t remember the last time his father had hugged him, and he had no memories of his father ever expressing pride in him. Seeing his mother smiling encouragingly at him, he felt overwhelmed by emotion and hugged his father back. Maybe this was the beginning of a change? Maybe his father would see him, and they could have the relationship Corvus always hoped for?

It was raining as he walked to Pearl’s flat. It was always raining in London, but it had never felt more oppressive than it had today. Never more hopeless that the sun would never shine again. He walked slowly as though if he moved slowly enough he would never arrive at his destination. But as magical as his world was, moving one foot in front of the other still brought him to her door no matter how much he willed it otherwise. He could have transported straight to her door, but he’d hoped walking here would give himself time to collect himself and think of what he would say. It had been a false hope. All the optimism Corvus had felt when his father was hugging him had washed away in the rain leaving cold dread in its wake.

Corvus raised his hand to Pearl’s door three times before he convinced his fist to connect with the wood. Her smile when she opened the door was radiant, and he almost turned on his heel and ran. But Winterbourne men didn’t run. She might not be worthy of his house, but he would let her down in person - he owed her at least that much. Her radiant smile started to dim as he stood in her doorway with his stormy thoughts. “Corvus? What’s wrong?” He tried for a smile, but he could feel how false it felt, and concern spread across Pearl’s face. She grabbed his hand and pulled him into the flat, and Corvus took the opportunity to turn it into an embrace. Without breaking his hold, he dragged her to the couch and they both landed on it heavily. Just one more moment. That’s all he needed. Just a moment to take her all in. The smell of her jasmine shampoo and the feel of the ends of her soft waves twirling between his fingers. How much it calmed him to feel her breath against his neck. Could he kiss her one last time? Before he could put the thought into action, Pearl did it for him. It was the softest, sweetest kiss and he thought his heart would break if he let it go any longer. He turned his face away, but Pearl didn't pull back. Voice gentle, she began to trace a finger through his furrowed brow. “Corvus, did it not go well with your parents? Just give them a chance to meet me, I’m sure I can win them over.” A soft smile spread across her face, and it made him want to weep. He needed to get this over with or he’d tell her that of course they would love her. Of course they would. How could anyone not love her?

“I can’t see you anymore.”

It took her a moment to respond, but she shook her head like she could shake off the comment. “I don’t like jokes like that, Corvus. We’ll figure this out! It’s not like we live in Regency England and I’m a commoner trying to rise above her station.”

It was eerie how similar it was to what his parents had told him. “Aren’t you?”

Corvus almost thought he could hear the cruel barb hit its target. Pearl jerked away from him, eyes wide and hurt. “What?”

“This was never going to work, Pearl. It was fun while it lasted, but this isn’t your world. Trust me when I say you would have hated it in the end.” You would have hated me in the end.

Rising from the couch, Pearl’s voice stayed quiet, but her words were filled with steel. “Don’t you dare speak for me. Don’t you dare tell me what I would or wouldn’t have felt. Only I get to decide that. And how dare you not even let us try to navigate this world together. And what about my world? Don’t you think I’ve considered how different our backgrounds are? But Corvus, when I take you to meet my parents, I’m not going to throw you out in the desert and let the coyotes lick your bones clean. No. We’ll navigate it together - with your hand in mine.”

Corvus forced his face into cool indifference as he stood as well. “I have no interest in that. You’re not worth that kind of effort.”

Tears began rolling down Pearl’s face. “I don’t believe you. You told me you want me in your life and now you’re saying that’s not true? Are you trying to tell me that you practicing going to the airport was all for show? I don’t BELIEVE YOU.” Her chest was heaving from the emotion she was trying unsuccessfully to hold back, and it took everything in Corvus’ power not to reach out and hold her again. “You pursued ME! You came into this apartment just now and held onto me like you never wanted to let go. You’re lying to me, and you’re lying to yourself. What poison did your parents drip into your ears? Tell me!!”

Corvus could feel his resolve slipping, and he knew this conversation needed to come to an end. Pearl looked like an avenging angel, and he couldn’t look at her as he delivered the final blow. “It’s cute that you think you mean that much to me. You were only ever going to be a fling. I told you what I knew you wanted to hear, but my parents have let me know it’s time for me to get serious, and I can’t get serious with some poor Yank with a sob story who is angling for Winterbourne gold to make all her dreams come true.”