Page 90 of Not Like The Other Girls

“You ain’t doing that shit,” Lily-girl defends her man.

“Why not? He’d just leave a boring girl like you when he gets bored.”

Every growls because he’s the main character, and that’s a pre-programmed trait of his. “Woman, you shouldn’t be saying that about my relationship. Just look at your own relationships. They never even last longer than a year. Not even with your first husband, who you cheated on during your honeymoon to Las Vegas with a casino bouncer guy. Your first daughter that he’s paying child support for isn’t even actually his.”

Lily’s momma clicks her tongue. “Oh, yeah? And how the fuck do you know all my shit, young man?”

“I have my ways,” he answers, his voice husky.

What a classic line.

And right on cue, just to raise their power of complications and chaos even higher, Sabrinella walks right into the living room slash storage area. Lily sighs inside, seeing that bitch in her usual morning robe, fresh from her shower, her long Rapunzel hair piled up in a tower under the faded pink towel that she is pretty sure was actually hers until a few weeks ago.

It is also important to note that she has a skincare sheet mask from Temu plastered over her mean-bitch face, which is currently in a scowl again. A total ghost. “Damn, girl, you just had to come and spoil the mood right when life was getting good and happy without you around.”

What a bitch.

But then again, what romance book older sister isn’t?

“Oh yeah, how’s it better?” Seems like the adventure really got Lily to grow a spine or two, then.

“Bradley and I are planning our future together. We’re thinking of having a kid named Brandy in honor of momma’s favorite drink.”

“That’s right, my dear,” Mother Dearest says, fairly pleased with herself and her firstborn daughter.

And that’s when Sabrinella the bitch realizes that they aren’t the only ones in the room. Every sure is a whole Kung-fu master of blending into the shadows when he feels like it. “And who is that, my dear bitch sister? Not the new boyfriend, is he?” Then she blinks. Apparently, dry eyes run in the family. “Wait, is that the singer guy with cracked octaves?”

Dollar signs and gold bars light up her momma’s green eyes, the exact same shade as Lily’s green orbs. “Oh, so you happened to be a touring boy band also?”

“Why?” Every frowns at her.

“So I could sell Lily-dear to you. Tax season’s coming up, what can I do?” Her mother nods like a smart-ass, homemade bleach-blonde curls jiggling.

Now he is in a total state of being scandalized. “But that’s human trafficking.”

“Only if someone here tells the police, of course. I don’t know about that, boy. So you’re a singer, yeah?”

“Mrs. Ranchsquatter, to be honest with you, I actually retired last year to focus on growing my billion-dollar evil empire. I’m mostly a CEO now, with occasional side quests.” His dialogue is less realistic than aliens, but that’s just how it is.

Lily’s ma turns to her now, disappointment clouding her face. “You had to go and get a white-collar boy, huh?”

“Yes, Momma,” Lily answers like the good girl she is.

“That’s quite a break from our family’s fourteen-generation tradition of getting with blue-collar guys.”

“Anyway, we just came here to tell you that I’m moving in with Every. So goodbye to y’all and the rats in this place. They were more friendly to me than you guys ever were.”

Damn, what a Cinderella moment.

She truly is the ultimate rags-to-riches girl with a bitch momma.

To further nail the solemn mood of the scene, Adele’s masterpiece of Don’t You Remember starts out of the blue.

Actually, that is just the ringtone of Kevin’s call—her momma’s infamous ex. Lily practically sees the billows of smoke coming out of her flared nostrils as she takes the call. “I’ve gotta go.”

After she leaves, probably to go make up with her ex or something, Lily turns to Sabrinella. “And don’t you think of stealing my man again, sissy.”

Her sister bitches back. “I wouldn’t even dream of that, bitch. That boy looks like too big of a problem to handle.”