Page 49 of Not Like The Other Girls

And that was the end of their short discussion of wholly unrelated affairs, conducted in the middle of a winter wonderland of a wasteland, on an ice planet.

And at the end, they didn't find a single marshmallow.

Or any consumable marine creature, for that matter.

Every just shrugs. “Guess we took the wrong turn over there at the fir trees, not that there’s any visible path at all.”



The young couple, still on their unconventional honeymoon, eventually meet some non-human, bird-like guards patrolling the area, since apparently, their ice queen isn’t entirely ice-hearted. Though this time, instead of being clad in fur loincloths to showcase just how poverty-stricken and underpaid they are, they patrol in formal soldier camouflage suits.

Guess some posts get more pay than the others.

“Hey, brother, what’s up?” One of the officers waves over at them—no, specifically at Every. “Sorry the cave wasn’t stocked, man, but we just have quite a lot going on these days. It’s mating season, if you forgot.”

Every grimaces back at him as he and Lily Lully Lullaby walk towards the aliens. “Couldn’t forget it even if I wanted to. I’m just glad humans back home don’t have this stuff. I’d go nuts, man.”

The alien gives him a knowing look. “Sure you’d go nuts, man. You would just keep nutting; it’s crazy.”

“You know I didn’t mean that. The whole seasonal mating concept: it ain’t natural, man,” Every defends himself, now looking really nauseous, as if imagining an alternate reality where humans rut like rabbits twenty-four-seven for the whole springtime, in addition to the normal pace they already have going on.

“Seeing that almost all other animals adhere to a mating season, it is humans that are unnatural, no? You people just have such low sex drive.”

“Look, man, in my home world, people who fuck too much and fuck too strangely are labeled as sexual deviants. It’s an actual psychological issue, a health problem there, man. And since I don’t want others to think I’m crazy, I go mild.”

Buddy, if you would just stop repeating ‘man’.

“Nah, I bet you were always mild, man. Even before you knew about that. Nothing wrong about it—some people just like it sweet and slow, I heard.”

“Yeah, and you don’t have to be mean about that.”

The son of a bitch of an alien snickers in a playground bully sort of way. “That’s right. And I bet you even call it ‘making love’.”

Every pouts, his cheeks burning red—and not from the cold. “Oh, shut up, will you?”

“Hah, got you, man. Anyway, I’ve got some frozen fish here.”

Lily’s eyes brighten up like the night sky of the Fourth of July at the notion of food.

Her stomach rumbles with an unladylike, unbecoming sound.

“Damn, that’s just great, man,” Every hollers with joy, his entire mood flipped over from bashful to breathless.

With excitement for free supper, of course.

And still unable to stop using ‘man’ with the officer.

“Thanks, brother. I just fished them out from the lake earlier. Put them on the ice for a few minutes, and now these goodies are frozen and ready to eat.”

Every-boy gives him a thumbs up in a tepid attempt to show appreciation for his work, then turns to his girl. “Have you ever tried frozen fish, Lily?”

She just rolls her eyes sarcastically. “Totally, man. Before meeting you, I didn't even know snow actually existed in real life—thought it was just a movie thing.”

How smart of her.

Ever suspicious, using her own judgment before believing everything she sees in the media.

So they eat, together with the guards, like stone-age savages consuming their prey in the middle of pretty much nowhere. An accurate description of their current state, honestly. With a not-so-silent silence, thanks to the chilly wind always blowing strongly. Paired with the freezing ambience it brings along, this sure creates such beautiful holiday scenery.