Page 44 of Mad Duke March

“And so after a long day of working, searching for a governess and tutors, looking after your siblings, your mother, and the household, you relax by reading all night?” He raised a brow.

Emily let out a chuckle. “Yes. I need to redirect my thoughts. Otherwise, they take over and then I am not able to sleep at all.”

She didn’t expect him to understand. Her mind was too anxious to rest. She needed to keep it busy in order to quiet the thoughts in her head. Before, she’d always worried about stretching out the money just enough so her family wouldn’t starve. She’d worried about teaching Reggie about running the estate when she didn’t have enough knowledge herself. She’d worried about marrying off her sisters without dowries. Now, even though she was a duchess, most of those worries still persisted. And she had a few more added to her plate. How was she going to bring her husband’s townhouse to its former glory? How was she going to get the approval of the ton? How was she going to tell her husband about the child that was growing inside her that was not his?

Was she ever going to build a closeness in their relationship that resembled the closeness her parents used to have or would they always have a gap between them?

To her surprise, he smirked and chucked her under her chin. “Who knew we had something in common?”

She blinked up at him. “Is that why you come here at night? You can’t sleep either?”

He nodded. “The thoughts, the memories—they keep me awake. This place… this is the only place I have ever felt safe in this blasted house. So, I come here at night to regain a sense of calm. I talk to the horses.” He chuckled. Emily looked past his shoulders to the stalls with the animals. She had to agree, this place felt quite cozy. “It doesn’t always work. When it doesn’t, I go for a ride.”

Emily shivered under the great cloak and adjusted it over her shoulders. “Looking for an escape.”

“Yes,” he agreed. “Escape from this house. It is filled with memories that don’t let my mind rest. That’s why I started drinking myself into oblivion the moment I returned from the Continent. It dulled the pain and drowned out the echoes of the past. I can’t sleep without a drink. Although it’s not the drink that I want. I just don’t want to be left one-on-one with my thoughts.”

He stepped back and Emily instinctively reached for him. She grabbed his forearm and froze. What am I doing?

He froze as well, his gaze on her hand, watching it as if it was going to come to life and bite him.

She quickly removed her hand and nestled deeper into the cloak.

“You’re cold.” His frown deepened.

“No, I’m… Yes, a little.”

He stepped closer once more and drew the edges of his cloak closer together. “We should go back to the house.”

After what he’d just confessed, Emily didn’t want to be the reason he was pulled back into the house that gave him so much grief. “You come out here so you’re not alone with your thoughts and your memories.”

He shrugged. “I suppose so.”

She shook her head frantically. “I don’t want to be the reason you’re plagued with unpleasant thoughts tonight.”

His warm fingers enveloped her cold ones, and he placed her hand in the crook of his elbow. “Something tells me that tonight will be an exception.”

Chapter Sixteen

His wife shook, her teeth chattering slightly as they made their way back into the house. Her nose was rosy from the cold, her skin cool against his touch.

She was wearing a flimsy nightgown, old and threadbare, now ripped at the shoulder.

“Is your allowance not enough?” He couldn’t help a rough note in his voice.

“Pardon?” She blinked up at him, a surprised expression in her eyes.

“Your allowance. It’s been a week since I ordered my solicitor to dispense your allowance, is it not enough?”

“Why would you assume that?”

He waved a hand up and down in her general direction. “You’re still wearing your old nightgown.”

His duchess huddled further into his cloak. “I have ordered new clothing but it takes time for a modiste to sew them. Besides, I am not the only person in my family. My siblings come first, then my mother. And they have been humiliated enough. It is my job to look after them.”

Something pinched inside Tyrone. Was it his heart? “Shouldn’t your mother be the one to look after you?”

She looked at him as though he was daft. As if he didn’t understand some universal truth. “She is ailing. A few days out of the month, she can’t even leave her room. Besides, she raised me to my majority. Now it’s my time to repay her for all she’s done for me. I was the one who failed her. I should have married a long time ago.”