Page 92 of Duke of Rath

“I found it earlier this morning in London, thought you’d enjoy immensely identifying local flora. I couldn’t think of anything but giving it to you,” he whispered. “I couldn’t stay away so I canceled my plans and came straight to Oxford. Mademoiselle Antoinette said you were having a meeting with Sir Smith in the town center, so here I am.”

“Dorian…”

“I wanted to take you to the botanical garden you’d dreamed of going to, the one that belongs to the Earl of Chans, who’s a good friend of Pryde. I was also hoping to spend a few days with you alone at Briarstone Park, my estate near Oxford. I seldom visit, but it has hills and brooks and a beautiful house kept up by the staff. I imagined how much you would love it. Perhaps you might want to live there once your year is up.” The idea that she would choose to live apart from him at the end of the year tore his insides to pieces, but he would honor his word and his contract, even if it meant dying of loneliness without her.

She went utterly still.

The wind tugged at her golden locks under her elaborate bonnet, decorated with what looked like a bird on top and peacock feathers.

It looked as wrong on her as a palm in the middle of a snowstorm.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated. “I lied to you.”

“Goddamn it. Patience, I came to bring you all of the things you ever desired, but you deceived me.”

She nodded, her cheeks reddening even more. “I did. But I also finally found out the truth.”

He went rigid, as stiff as a board. “You did?”

He couldn’t breathe; his lungs felt like they were full of water. He stared at her face, watching for any sign of anger, hurt, disgust, but her big blue eyes were full of regret and guilt, her plush pink mouth with that gorgeous Cupid’s bow slightly open as though in surprise.

“So then why are you apologizing? And you’re not appalled?” he asked carefully.

“I am appalled with John,” she said, her cheeks gaining color. “I’m sorry I thought there was something sinister that you were hiding. But you were merely trying to protect my family and me from the knowledge that my brother had forced himself on a woman.”

Dorian stood, blinking. This was his chance to correct her, to tell her the whole truth. And yet, his mouth was not moving.

“That was the Oxford incident,” she said as she stepped closer to him, her eyes shining, a sweet smile on her lips.

No… No!

She couldn’t look at him like at a hero, like she adored him, loved him.

He should say something. Contradict her.

“But you protected Christine. You had nothing to hide from me, Dorian. All this time, you were protecting my memory of John. He must have killed himself because he was caught in a dishonorable act.”

How had she come to this conclusion? He gaped, unable to muster the words to contradict her, to tell her how worthless he was. That he was no hero. That he was the villain who had taken her brother’s life.

And yet, a cowardly thought came, it would resolve everything if he let her believe this…

She took his hand in hers, the one in the glove. He winced a little from the pain.

“We can let go of it now,” she whispered. “It’s over. There are no more secrets between us. And now, please take me to the estate, show me the book, and when are we going to visit the botanical gardens you talked about?”

Dorian swallowed a hard knot. “You will not be searching anymore?”

“No, I found everything I wanted. I’m married to a wonderful, honorable man, and I could not be happier.”

Dorian’s heart shattered. He could never truly be the man she believed him to be.

32

Dorian sat on the chair in the chamber of the inn where Patience was staying, a decanter of brandy glinting in the candlelight on the table by his side. Slowly, he rotated a glass of the amber liquid between his fingers.

He watched Patience walk around the room as she got ready for bed. Mademoiselle Antoinette had already undressed her, and she’d had her bath, and now that they were alone. Patience brushed her long, golden hair as she hummed to herself, catching his gaze occasionally and smiling.

He didn’t deserve her. She had too high a regard for him, especially after Christine’s words earlier today.